Title: Out of paradise
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #19 Watch
Rating: K
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Derek muses about Penelope, her relationship with Kevin and his feelings for her.
warnings: none

After all these years he wasn’t sure anymore when it had happened – or how. But at some point during their growing friendship he had sworn to himself that he would watch over her as best as he could, no matter what. He had failed, hadn’t been there when she’d needed him. But he had never stopped being protective of her.

Watching over her had meant being near her – which had ultimately meant that they’d become closer. In fact, he was much closer to his baby girl than he’d ever been to anyone else in the world.
Maybe even closer than he was to his mother and sisters. And that had been the exact reason why he’d never thought about her as more than his best friend. She was too close to him to even come into consideration as anything more than that.

That had been until watching over her had started to mean watching her with someone else. They’d spent more time together after she’d been shot and Derek hadn’t even noticed that he’d pretty much stopped dating other girls until Emily teased him about it.

And then it had hit him. He was so protective of his baby girl because he was in love with her. IN LOVE! He had dated so many girls over the years, some of them he’d even seen twice or more often, but he’d never once fallen for any of them. And now he was truly and hopelessly in love with his best friend.

The thing was that by the time he had finally come to his senses and realized how he really felt about her she was already with someone else. And so Derek just kept watching over her. Unfortunately, that also meant that he had to watch her with him.

At first he’d thought that it was just his over-protectiveness making him hate Lynch. When he’d heard about him and Pen dating he’d asked her about it. Well, he’d intended to make her come to her senses and blow him off. But she’d seemed so happy. And after all that had always been all Derek had wanted, seeing her happy. So he’d left it at watching over her.

But he couldn’t quite hide his feelings towards Lynch. Penelope had even gotten mad at him about that when Derek had lost it and snapped at this geeky guy that suddenly was his opponent. Not that they were really fighting for the girl, Lynch had already won her heart. Even though ‘won’ wasn’t the right word since Derek hadn’t really fought.

Not that he hadn’t wanted to. But when he’d finally realized what he really felt for Penelope and decided to make a move on her he had found out that she was dating somebody else. And at first he’d thought that he could win her back. That she would chose him over Lynch if only he told her what he really felt for her.

But then he’d realized that she was happy with Kevin – and Derek honestly wasn’t sure that he could make her that happy, or anyone else for that matter. He was scarred and sometimes the memories of his past were so bad that he thought he couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t want to do that to any woman, least of all his baby. She deserved better. She shouldn’t have to deal with someone as broken as him.

But knowing all that in his head and telling his heart to stop feeling the way it did were two completely different things. He couldn’t stop loving her, no matter how hard he tried. No matter how much distance he brought between the two of them – physically and emotionally – it didn’t change the way he felt about her. It didn’t ease the pain nor the jealousy he felt whenever he saw her with Lynch.

He’d crossed a forbidden line, he’d fallen in love. And now he somehow felt like he’d been banned from paradise before he’d even been able to taste the forbidden fruit. Derek Morgan had never thought that this would happen to him – he was unhappy in love. He was longing for a girl he couldn’t have. He was craving her kiss, her touch… He had even started having fantasies about her – very intense, very explicit and very x-rated fantasies.

That’s been why he’d backed off. He’d hoped that once he wasn’t around her all the time, didn’t smell her sweet, intoxicating scent every day it would get better. But it didn’t. In fact, it became worse the more distance there was between them. He’d not only lost her to another man the moment he’d realized that he loved her. To him it seemed that it had also cost him their friendship.

They didn’t hang out together anymore. No more movies and popcorn on a lonely Saturday evening. No more hours of talking and flirting on the phone on a sleepless night. Penelope now spent her evenings with Kevin – and Derek spent them sitting in his empty apartment cursing himself for having been too damn late!

Or he went running to get his mind off her. More than once he’d ended up in front of her apartment building to finally talk to her and tell her how he missed her, what their friendship had meant to him – what she meant to him. But he’d just watched her window until the light had gone out every time. He just didn’t dare.

So Derek had come to the conclusion that the only possibility was to stay back and watch. Apparently she didn’t need their friendship as much as he did. Apparently she didn’t love him this way. And Derek was willing to accept that. She was happy – and that was all that mattered to him.

Title: Snag
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #8 Never
Rating: K
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 2/? of the ‘Love and prejudice’ series. This time Penelope muses about her relationship with Kevin and her friendship with Derek.
warnings: none

Penelope frowned as she saw him turn on his heels and run back into the direction he’d come from. It was the third time this week she’d seen him standing in front of her apartment building looking up at her window. He hadn’t rang her bell once. He just always stood there watching her window, sometimes just for a few minutes, sometimes for almost half an hour.

As ridiculous as it might sound she almost felt stalked by him. And honestly, if it hadn’t been Derek Morgan out there watching her window almost every night they weren’t on a case anywhere she’d probably been scared by now. This way she was only confused.

Why did he do that? He wasn’t exactly a shy man – quite the opposite actually. So why didn’t he just ring her damn bell and talk to her if there was something he wanted to say?!

At first she’d thought that the reason for his reluctance had been Kevin. So one evening she’d casually dropped into their conversation that Kevin was out of town visiting his family for three days. And that evening Derek had again stood in front of the building this time for almost an hour.

And when Penelope finally had had enough and decided to confront him, he’d turned around and ran off. It was frustrating! He stood there and watched her. Not only in front of her apartment. She’d also caught him staring at her a few times at the office when he’d thought no one would notice. And his expression had been… well, if Penelope didn’t know better she’d say it had been desirous, his dark eyes wandering over her body in a way that still made her shiver when she thought about it.

Yeah, right. As if Derek Morgan had any reason in the world to be staring at her! She was imagining things. That was it. Some things simply couldn’t be true. Derek would never in a million years stare at her, at least not like that.

Sighing Penelope turned away from the window and her eyes fell upon the figure in her bed.

Okay, say she didn’t see things that weren’t there. Then why now? Why had she spent five years of her life longing for and daydreaming about this one man she was sure she could never have – and now that she’d finally been able to break with these feelings for him and try and start a life on her own he suddenly discovered that he wanted more out of their relationship than friendship?!

“Come on, Penelope, think straight!� she mumbled to herself. Seriously, how likely was it Derek Morgan was secretly in love with her of all people?! Right, probability 0.0000000!

First of all, Derek Morgan wasn’t secretly in love. With anyone. If he was in love with someone at all, he acted on his feelings. And why wouldn’t he? It wasn’t like any woman in the world could ever resist him.

Exactly! Penelope sighed again. And that was why she had fallen for him the moment he first called her ‘baby girl’. Oh, and how she’d wanted to be his baby girl. How had she wanted him to mean those three words the way she had meant them?! How many years had she lived almost celibate because she’d wanted to wait for this one man who never knocked on her door?!

Face it, Penelope! Too many freaking years!

For years he had been the center of her little world, their friendship the line she would never cross. He’d been the swan and she the ugly duckling, just not even anywhere near his league. She had known that she could never have him, but that hadn’t kept her from dreaming – until one day she finally realized how pathetic that had been.

And even if Derek’s feelings for her had changed. Even if there was a tiny chance that he might feel more for her than just friendship. What did it matter? For over a year now she’d been in a relationship – and she wasn’t willing to risk that for the mere possibility that Derek Morgan had suddenly taken notice of her.

Silently she walked into her kitchen and got herself a glass of water. Why did she think about the ifs and buts at all? She had banned every dream she’d ever had about Derek Morgan more than a year ago when she’d finally realized that it was pointless and decided that it was time for her to move on.

She’d found someone and their relationship was lasting. And she was happy. Really?! Kevin was the nicest guy she’d ever dated. He treated her with respect and he didn’t want to hide the fact that they were dating from anyone.

Kevin would never cheat on her and – as bad as it sounded – there wasn’t that much rivalry she had to fear. He was sweet and caring, apart from the fact that sometimes he just didn’t understand her. But that certainly was just the natural misunderstanding between men and women.

Yeah, she had a lasting relationship with a great guy. Everything was perfect, just the way she’d always wanted it to be.

Penelope walked back to her bedroom but stopped in the doorway and watched the man on her bed sleeping.

Well, everything was perfect except for this one tiny snag there was about it. She thought as she carefully crawled back into bed.

Kevin just wasn’t Derek.

Title: Heat – Part 1
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #28 Want
Rating: K
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 3/? of the ‘Love and prejudice’ series. A rough case on a hot day force Penelope and Derek into a rather uncomfortable situation. Mostly Derek’s point of view.
warnings: none

It had almost been two weeks, and Derek was slowly going insane. It wasn’t the case, at least not entirely. But the image right in front of him now was too much to take – even for him.

They’d been stuck with the case for over a week now, and the unsub kept kidnapping and killing people. He seemed to have no particular type of victim, probably chose them randomly. That wasn’t helpful at all in tracking him down.

But talking to family and friends of the victims – ten so far in the last six weeks – had revealed that the killer certainly met his victims via internet. And that was exactly where Derek’s second, bigger problem started. Because there was only one goddess of all knowledge in the world who could work magic when it came to computers.

So Hotch had sent for Penelope to come to Marana, Arizona, and track the unsub down via the profile he used in internet chat rooms. To make things worse, Derek was forced to stay with her while she was digging through files and pages.

Not that he didn’t enjoy spending time with his favorite girl. She was fun to hang around with, even if they were dealing with the worst of mankind. She could brighten anyone’s day; she could even make Hotch smile. And she definitely knew how to make him smile or laugh. In fact, he enjoyed her company a little too much sometimes.

The problem was that the temperature had soared, and the police station didn’t have any air conditioning system to speak of. So to combat the heat, Penelope was wearing a very light, very low-cut top – and Derek had a really hard time not staring at her.

Her skin looked so incredibly soft and pale, which was a marvelous contrast to the black top. Small sweat pearls ran down her neck, and some of them found their way over her neckline, disappearing where his eyes so shouldn’t be at the moment.

When he was finally able to force himself to look up again, Derek almost dropped dead. Penelope was obviously deep in thought. Whenever she was deep in thought, she tended to chew on something; this time it was her pen. Her deliciously red lips were wrapped around the top of her pen, and the image could have made a priest want to give up his celibacy.

This definitely was too much! Think about something else, Derek! He tried to force himself, but it was hard to get the reaction of his body under control. The case! Think about the case!

Nope, didn’t work one bit. If Derek hadn’t known better, he’d have said his baby girl was doing this on purpose. Derek tried to think about her and Lynch. Maybe she was thinking of him right now. For a short moment, his arousal gave way to strong feelings of jealousy and sadness over his missed chance.

Unfortunately, this state only lasted a few seconds, until a tiny voice in his head told him that it didn’t matter that she was with someone else, that she was doing this little show just to tease him and that he had every right to accept the offer.

Stop it! he scolded himself. Penelope would never cheat on her boyfriend. She would never cheat on anyone, and he wouldn’t try and force her, because he knew the guilt would eat her up. She was just too goodhearted for that.

But if she actually was doing this on purpose… Maybe he could just play along, walk over to her and flirt a little to see where this would lead them…

The ringing of his cell phone saved him from trying something that could have ruined their friendship forever. “Yeah!� he answered a little too enthusiastically.

“Um… Morgan, are you alright?� Reid asked, a little confused.

Reid! Thank goodness! “Yeah, fine,� he mumbled. “Why’d you call?�

“We’re at the suspect’s house.�

Derek looked strangely at his phone. “Suspect?�

This made Penelope look up from her babies. “I sent them the address about ten minutes ago.� Then she frowned and added, “I told you that.�

Right, she had spoken to him, he remembered now. But Derek’s mind had been otherwise engaged. Derek shook his head to clear his mind and grunted, “Yeah, what’s the problem?�

“We couldn’t get a hold of him,� Reid replied. “But we have his computers. We need Garcia here to check whether there is a connection between the suspect and the victims.�

“We’re on our way.� Derek sighed and hung up. “Come on, computer genius, they need you to save the day.�

“Please tell me the SUV has air conditioning,� Penelope groaned as she stood up – and revealed a very short skirt.

This time, Derek couldn’t repress the sound that had been stuck in his throat since he’d witnessed her chewing on her pen.

Penelope’s jaw dropped for a second, then she grinned and pulled her skirt back down so that it reached down to her knee. “What, do I turn you on?�

“Stop teasing me,� Derek threatened as he walked past her.

“Why, does it work?� she giggled.

In the blink of an eye, Derek turned around, grabbed her wrists and pinned her body against the next wall with his own.

Penelope shrieked, and then panted as she looked into Derek’s furious eyes. She could feel the heat of his body pressed against her, and it made her feel things no taken woman should feel for another man.

Derek’s gaze wandered from her eyes to her mouth, and he leaned a tiny bit closer, making Penelope’s heart skip a few beats. “You think I’m oblivious of your attractions. But you should be more careful how you use them. One day I might stop fighting against them.�

With these words, he let go of her and left her leaning against the wall. She was shaking so vigorously that it took her a moment to regain the control over her body. God, this man knew how to make any woman melt – or burst with desire.

Title: Heat – Part 2
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30_forbidden: #15 Unknown
Rating: T (Maybe even M for the last sentence. ;) )
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 4/? of the ‘Love and Prejudice’ series. Penelope’s point of view.
warnings: none

It was hard to concentrate. The heat was almost unbearable, and it seemed to get worse every second. Maybe it was the heat radiating from the computers she was working on. Hotch had sent for her because the unsub obviously found his victims via internet. She had spent the past two days digging through the lives of too many young women until she had finally found a connection.

The unsub was clever. He was using different usernames, and they had only found him because Reid had noticed similarities in the style of writing. Fortunately, Hotch had decided that one of the team was staying with Penelope helping her with her searches, while the others were still visiting crime scenes and interviewing family members.

Now Penelope was trying to track down the unsub, which turned out to be not as easy as she’d expected it to be. He was using different methods to cover his tracks in the world wide web, and she was following track after track that were all leading nowhere.

To make things worse, she really couldn’t concentrate anymore. Why did Hotch have to make Derek stay with her today? Not that she didn’t enjoy his company… he was her best friend, after all. But he also was the hottest man on Earth, at least in her opinion, and the heat didn’t help one bit to cool her mind off.

Derek was nonchalantly sitting on his chair, the back of it bent backwards as much as possible, and staring into space. His eyes were dark, which only made him look sexier.

Focus, Penelope! Focus on your work! she reprimanded herself. There was an unsub to catch, and it was her task to track him down.

She followed another line, but again, it led nowhere. Swearing slightly, she leaned back and thought about her options. It was so hot that she had to push her skirt up as much as possible without making a public spectacle of herself. It didn’t help much, but it helped a little.

When she looked up, she realized that Derek was still staring into space. He was wearing a muscle shirt, showing off the tattoos on his upper arms, which were now glinting from the small sweat pearls that covered his deliciously chocolate-like skin. God, how could one man be so damn sexy?!

She couldn’t stop her eyes from wandering over his muscular chest. His shirt was wet with sweat and clinging to his skin so that Penelope could see every muscle through it. She felt a tingle run through her body as one of these muscles moved. Penelope imagined what it would feel like to run her hand over these muscles and feel them move under it. Oh, if only she would get the chance to discover every detail of this luxurious body! She so knew what she would do with Derek Morgan, if she got the chance.

Focus!!! She gave herself a mental slap. Only then did she realize that she was chewing on her pen. She always did that when she was deep in thought – or when she was daydreaming about a particular special agent. She really needed to take her mind off of this man!

Out of the corner of her eye, Penelope saw Derek lick his lips, and… was he actually staring at HER? No, certainly not. He was still focused on a spot somewhere in the air, probably thinking about the case. But that spot seemed to be quite near her cleavage.

Yeah, you wish, Penelope!

Sighing, Penelope turned back to her computer and started typing again. Fortunately, after she’d allowed her mind to play out a little fantasy about herself and a certain agent doing things that would make the temperature in this room go even higher, it seemed to be easier now to focus on her work.

This time, she didn’t walk into the traps the unsub had constructed to cover his tracks. Suddenly an address appeared on her screen. “Um… Hot Stuff, I think I got something,� she told Derek as she sent the address to Reid’s PDA. “I’m gonna tell Reid. I think I found our unsub’s address.�

“Uh-huh,� was all she got as a response. Was he actually listening?

Penelope shrugged it off. He was certainly thinking about the case, and she should do the same. She was taken, after all. Completely and undeniably taken! Damn, she’d been in this relationship for almost two years now!

She had to admit, though, that she lusted after another man. She was already doing so before Kevin stepped into her life, and even though she’d been sure she was ready to move on and get over Derek, she just couldn’t. He made her feel things she didn’t know she was capable of feeling. Whenever he was near her, held her, kissed her forehead, she felt a desire, a need deep in her stomach she hadn’t even known someone could feel for another person.

To make things worse, for about three months now, Penelope had the impression that Derek was feeling the same way about her. Of course, it couldn’t be true, but she frequently caught him staring at her, and all those times that he was standing outside her apartment building, watching her window…

In the end, it certainly didn’t matter. Even if – for whatever reason – Derek was interested in her that way, they could never act on their feelings. Strauss wouldn’t approve of them having a relationship. Besides, Penelope wasn’t going to leave Kevin. Derek, as hot as he might be and as much as she wanted him, still was a player. He simply wasn’t the kind of guy who chose one woman above all the others – least of all someone like her.

So all she could do was stick to her daydreaming from time to time, and try to make the best out of the situation. Derek Morgan was a dream that would never come true.

The ringing of Derek’s cell phone interrupted her thoughts.

“Yeah!�

Was she wrong, or was Morgan actually glad to receive a call? Penelope’s heart sank. He must have been bored to death spending the whole time with her. As a matter of fact, apart from the almost stalking behavior Derek had displayed recently, he seemed to avoid her.

“Why’d you call?� Derek wanted to know, and then he frowned and asked, “Suspect?�

So he really hadn’t been listening when Penelope had been talking to him about what she’d found. What the hell was wrong with this man?! A little offended, she reminded Derek that she’d told him about the suspect.

He just shook his head slightly, as if he needed to clear his mind, and then asked Reid what the problem was. While he listened to the young doctor’s explanations, he seemed to be avoiding Penelope’s questioning glance. She sighed and gave up. She wasn’t going to understand Derek anytime soon. Maybe he just needed to get laid.

“We’re on our way.� Derek sighed and hung up. “Come on, computer genius, they need you to save the day.�

Thank goodness! Finally! She wasn’t forced to be locked up in a much too hot room with a much too hot guy any longer! When she stood up, revealing her skirt that she had forgotten she’d pushed up earlier, she heard Derek groan.

For a moment, she really didn’t know how to react to that. Did that sight actually turn him on? Or maybe it was a sound of disgust. Penelope felt this unpleasant feeling of hurt rising in her chest and tried to cover it with another playful remark.

“What, do I turn you on?� Yeah, Penelope, like hell you do. She quickly pushed her skirt back into the proper position.

“Stop teasing me!� Derek slowly said through gritted teeth as he walked past her. He really sounded as if that had turned him on.

She couldn’t resist. She simply couldn’t. It was just too tempting, and too easy. “Why, does it work?� The words escaped her mouth before she could stop them.

Suddenly, Derek turned around, and the next second, Penelope found herself pinned against the next wall, Derek’s hands holding hers next to her face and his body pressing against hers. She shrieked, panted, and stared at him in shock.

He was so close that she could feel the heat of his body, smell him, almost even taste him. A strange and completely unknown feeling rose in her chest. It was a mixture of longing, need, and pure lust combined with love and the wish to spend the rest of her life this close to him.

Derek’s eyes wandered down to Penelope’s mouth, and her heart skipped a couple of beats. He looked like he was going to kiss her. God, please, just do it! There was this tingle again, and a heat rising in her stomach she’d never felt before. If he tried to ravish her right now, she had absolutely no intention of fighting him.

So many unknown and long repressed feelings were overwhelming her, and all she wanted was to rip their clothes off and make all her naughty dreams come true. She’d never wanted anything this badly.

“You think I’m oblivious of your attractions, but you should be more careful of how you use them. One day I might stop fighting against them.� His voice seemed to come from very far away and sounded muffled in her ears.

Then suddenly, he was gone. Penelope was shaking so vigorously that she was sure her legs wouldn’t be able to hold her upright if she tried walking. Right now, all she needed was a very cold shower – oh, well, and maybe some fresh panties.

Title: Ice Cream – Part 1
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #16 Amuse
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 5/? of the ‘Love and prejudice’ series. The heat is getting worse. ;)
warnings: none


The heat was unbearable, and Derek was about to lose his fucking mind. The UNSUB had left tons of evidence on his computers; videos of his victims and of what he did to them during the two weeks he kept them, but nothing leading anywhere.

“Damn it!� he heard Penelope swear. She hardly ever swore, especially in front of other people. “This sicko is freaking good with computers. I can’t find a single hint to where these videos were taken. No background noises, no signs reflected in anything, no nothing.�

Sweat was running down Penelope’s neck, making it glisten in the sunshine falling through the window. If only he could be one of these beads... Mental slap, Derek. Stop that!

“This sucks!� Derek grumbled. It meant they were still stuck here at one of the hottest places in the whole fucking world, and there was no way he could release the tension he felt. He desperately wanted to kick something, or someone, out of mere frustration.

He’d never been fond of relationships, because they tended to make things too difficult, and his current condition was the best way to prove this point. It wasn’t only that he was hot for her, but that he wanted her. He wanted to hold her, inhale the sweet scent of her hair, feel her soft skin under his fingertips…

He wanted her to be the first thing he saw in the morning, he wanted her laughter to be preserved for him only. This is ridiculous! He wasn’t only in love with this woman, he was obsessed with her.

“Are you okay?� JJ asked, and pointed her head towards Derek’s clenched fists.

He hadn’t even realized he’d clenched them, but his hands were starting to hurt due to the cramping. Slowly, he released them. “No,� he grunted. “This case is driving me insane, and the heat isn’t making it any better.�

It must have been the heat. Normally, he had his feelings under control, but here, everything was different. If only he was allowed to hold her, just once. He knew he couldn’t have her, though; she was taken, and she was happy. Derek knew he shouldn’t feel this way about her, but he couldn’t help himself, not with this heat, anyway.

JJ cocked an eyebrow. “Are you sure? You seem a bit tense lately.�

“Don’t you have some press conferences to prepare?!� he snarled, his eyes never leaving Penelope, who was using a tissue to wipe some sweat from her forehead – for some reason, it was the most erotic movement he’d ever seen.

JJ formed a voiceless ‘okay’, and sashayed over to Emily. With a slight tilt of her head, she drew the other woman’s attention towards Derek. They both giggled.

Derek gave them a death glare and wanted to snarl something at them, but was interrupted by Hotch. At least he was able to amuse his co-workers.

“Is everything okay?� Hotch frowned at his agent.

“Why is everyone asking me that?� he grumbled.

“Maybe because you act like you’re about to snap,� Hotch shrugged.

Derek sighed. He couldn’t tell his boss the truth, for obvious reasons. “This heat is just driving me crazy, and I… can’t stand not being able to do anything.�

“Maybe we should let Reid help Garcia with her research tomorrow while we examine the abduction scenes once more,� Hotch suggested.

“Yeah, sounds like a good idea,� Derek mumbled. He wasn’t sure he entirely liked that thought. He’d be away from his Baby Girl for an entire day. Maybe it would do him good, help him concentrate on the case – or it could just make him want her more.

He remembered the feeling of her soft, curvy body pressed tightly against his, and a shiver ran down his spine. Sure, he’d been close to her before, but nothing like that. He’d been about to ravish her right there and then. Focus, Derek!

What the hell was wrong with him?! He’d never wanted someone – or something – in his life so badly. And why now? For almost three years, he’d been coming to grips with her relationship with Kevin, and now it was driving him crazy that she was so close to him, and yet so far away.

Maybe he’d thought Kevin was a passing whim. He’d been sure Kevin wasn’t the right guy for his Baby Girl, and she would eventually notice; but what if he was?! Penelope obviously was happy with him.

Derek wondered if Kevin loved her as much as he did, if he treated her like the goddess she was. Did he know how to hold her, how to touch her, how to love her?!

“Morgan!� he suddenly heard Hotch’s voice next to him.

“Huh?� he frowned at the other agent. He hadn’t even realized someone was talking to him.

“Is something wrong with Garcia?� Hotch wanted to know.

Derek gave him a puzzled look.

“You were staring at her.� Derek could have sworn there was a hint of amusement in his boss’ face.

Snorting slightly, Derek replied, “I just thought the UNSUB must be really skilled if even Garcia can’t find anything. She’s swearing a lot lately, don’t you think?!�

“You know you’ll make her feel uncomfortable if you keep staring at her like that, right?� Hotch cocked an eyebrow at him.

“I was just… thinking,� he grumbled.

“Uh huh,� Hotch made a sound that remarkably reminded Derek of a chuckle. “Okay, let’s head back to the motel. This is a dead end anyway.�

They took the time to have lunch on their way back to the motel, which turned out to be a bad idea. Not only didn’t his Baby Girl take the place next to him, she pretty much ignored him throughout lunch. He’d stretched the point, and he knew it. He’d screwed up this time.

He looked over at her about three gazillion times, hoping to gain her attention just once, but she didn’t seem to notice. Or maybe she just didn’t care. Damn, he’d really screwed up. Hotch was right, he should stop staring at her, but he simply couldn’t. She was too beautiful, too sexy, too tempting not to look at her.

Why did he have to feel this way about her at all? Why did she have to be with Kevin? Why did his whole freaking life have to be so screwed???

The girls decided to have soft ice cream for dessert, and to save time, they ate it in the car. Now, Penelope Garcia was sitting right next to Derek, making sounds that shouldn’t go without a warning.

Then it happened. Derek saw it in slow motion. A drop of the creamy dessert fell on her thigh, and he couldn’t stop his gaze from following its path. He stared at her thigh, at the drop, at her finger slowly, much too slowly, wiping it away, and the sight nearly killed him. He swallowed as he desperately tried to stop parts of his body from reacting to what his eyes had just witnessed.

“Watch out!� Penelope nearly screamed.

Jolted from his daydream, Derek’s eyes jumped back at the road in front of them, just in time to swerve around the large truck coming their way. He hadn’t even noticed he’d left the road.

“You should pay attention to the road,� Penelope panted. “You near enough killed us.�

“Sorry,� he mumbled contritely. “I was… distracted.�

Luckily, the near accident had drawn him back to reality and cooled his mind – and the rest of him – off remarkably. God, why did she always have to do something so devastatingly sexy in his presence?! This woman was his doom.

“I think the heat has gone to your head,� she quipped.

“I just have problems focusing with you and your ice cream so close to me,� he replied before he even thought about it. Great, Derek, just great! Why don’t you tell her about your daydreams, too?!

“And the sounds you’re making over there aren’t helpful, either,� he added. He’d started this banter, so he could as well just go with it. Maybe she’d stop. Yeah, like hell she will. It was more likely going to get worse.

She giggled. “Am I driving you insane?�

You have no idea. “You have fun doing that, don’t you?� he growled slightly.

“You betcha!� she let out a somewhat devious laugh. “You know, I really think you need to…� The ringing of her phone interrupted her mid-sentence.

Quickly fishing it out of her purse, she didn’t seem to be too happy when she looked at the caller ID. “Yeah,� she answered. There was a short pause. “I know. Can I… Can I call you back? It’s a little… inconvenient right now.�

He could tell it was Kevin. She surely wanted to talk to him in private. Derek felt a sudden rush of jealousy, and his hands clung tightly around the steering wheel. That little geek seemed to be interrupting every moment they were having lately.

Title: Ice Cream – Part 2
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #13 Hidden
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 6/? of the ‘Love and prejudice’ series. Penelope’s point of view.
warnings: none

The heat really was unbearable, and the fact that there was nothing on the computers leading anywhere near the UNSUB didn’t make things one bit better.

“Damn it!� she swore. She was ready to kick something by now, it was so frustrating. It was especially frustrating that this guy seemed to be better with computers than she was. “This sicko is freaking good with computers,� she mumbled, more to herself than her boss. “I can’t find a single hint to where these videos were taken. No background noises, no signs reflected in anything, no nothing.�

She felt sweat running down her neck, and inwardly cursed the heat and the sunshine that were coming in through the dirty windows. She felt Derek’s eyes resting on her, and her heart started to beat faster, her fingers shaking slightly. Why did he have to keep staring at her?! He certainly thought she didn’t notice, that he was hiding it well enough, but he wasn’t. She’d noticed, every time.

She felt a tingle she definitely shouldn’t feel while a man other than her boyfriend was looking at her, but she couldn’t help it. His gaze made her feel wanted, as if he looked at her with desire. Her head told her it couldn’t be, but the whole rest of her enjoyed this feeling too much to listen.

Then she heard Derek say something, but she couldn’t understand what it was. When she glanced over, she saw him talking to JJ. At least he wasn’t staring at her anymore.

“Does he keep the videos to himself, or does he post them anywhere?� Hotch wanted to know.

“He doesn’t post them,� she sighed. “If he did, I might be able to find his new hideout. I can’t even tell if he sent them. He doesn’t seem to have any email accounts. Well, maybe he deleted them, but then there should be traces left, and there are none.�

“Take it easy, Garcia.� Hotch’s voice was unusually soft.

“This is frustrating, sir,� she sighed, and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I mean, he doesn’t leave any evidence, anywhere.�

“You found this place,� Hotch reminded her. “You’ll find him again.�

“I don’t know,� she sighed. “I can’t escape the feeling he wanted us to find this place.�

Hotch frowned at her. “Why do you think so?�

“Well, first of all, the content on his computer.� She pointed at a window on the screen. “I mean, I don’t know what you store on your computer, but I have a lot of personal stuff on it. Letters, games I downloaded, some programs, stuff like that, but there’s nothing here. Only these videos, and they weren’t even encrypted.�

“That helps a lot with the profile.� Hotch gave her one of his rare smiles. “Good work.�

Penelope sighed as she watched Hotch walk over in Derek’s direction. She knew compliments like this from his side were rare; he only made them when he knew someone needed some appreciation – and he never failed choosing the right moment.

Sighing again, Penelope turned her attention back to the computer. She felt Derek’s eyes resting on her again. It wasn’t that she really felt offended by it. Every girl would have loved to be looked at, especially by a man like Derek Morgan.

His sudden interest in her was strange, though. Back at the station, when she’d tried to track the UNSUB down through the IP address he’d used to contact the victims, he’d stared at her almost the whole time, and there was this look in his eyes.

Now, he had the same look in his eyes as he stared at her again, and it was sending pleasurable thrills down her spine. Her whole body was tingling, the blood whooshing in her ears. Her mind wandered back to the moment he had pressed her against the wall. His body had been so close to hers, and he’d almost kissed her. Almost…

Penelope drew in a shaky breath. She shouldn’t let another man make her feel the things she was feeling at the moment, and she knew it. Moreover, she definitely shouldn’t feel this way about a certain Derek Morgan. She was far from being in his league.

No matter how much she kept dreaming about him, no matter what she interpreted in whatever actions he made, it wasn’t gonna happen. Not now, not never.

“Okay, let’s head back to the motel. This is a dead end, anyway,� she heard Hotch call out.

Sighing, she shut the computers down. She’d stored the most important stuff on the external hard disk she’d brought with her. The CSU could worry about the whole rest of it.

“Have you seen the diner we passed on our way out here?� JJ asked as they left the building in the middle of nowhere their search had led them to. “It’s time for lunch, don’t you think?�

“Sounds like a plan to me,� Penelope agreed. “I’m starving.�

It was fun not having to worry about the case for a couple of minutes. They needed to put some daylight between them and this case to be able to look at what they had with fresh eyes.

As much as Penelope wanted to sit next to Morgan, just to feel the heat radiating from his body and smell the intoxicating scent that was him, she took the seat between JJ and Emily. She shouldn’t feel this way, and she so shouldn’t act on what she felt.

She’d spent years trying not to drool over him every day of her life. She’d spent years telling herself that he didn’t love her the way she loved him. He wasn’t sexually interested in her – but it was hard not to be interested in him that way.

She’d finally moved on. She was happy with Kevin. Well, it wasn’t special, but it was good, it was permanent, and it was real. For some reason, this case, or maybe just the heat, had thrown her back to the x-rated daydreaming about the man who was never gonna be more than her best friend, and she needed to stop that.

So she tried to ignore him throughout lunch, which was hard. She noticed every single time he looked at her – and every single time, it made these freaking butterflies rise in her stomach. As if those looks meant anything. As if something was going to explode when she looked back at him.

“You know, I really need an ice cream right now,� Emily decided.

“We should be back at the station by now,� Hotch reminded her.

Rolling her eyes, Emily suggested, “We can eat them in the cars, and yes, we’ll be careful not to ruin the furniture, Dad!�

He tried his best not to grin, but there was a slight movement of his mouth when he agreed.

It turned out to be the best idea of the day. This was the best ice cream Penelope had ever had. She couldn’t stop the low moan that escaped her throat as she let the sweet taste fill her mouth. This was exactly what she needed right now.

Suddenly, she felt something cool hitting her thigh. She looked down to see the drop of ice cream that had landed on it, and she saw Derek glancing over at her. Rolling her eyes, she wiped the drop away, and wanted to assure him that it hadn’t ruined the seat, but then she noticed he was still staring at her thigh.

That was strange. The way he looked at her was… lingering, lecherous, teasing. Could it be true? His gaze made her want to pull up her skirt, just to see how he’d react, hoping for something he wouldn’t do in a million years. Stop it, Penelope! This is way inappropriate.

When she looked up, her heart nearly stopped beating. “Watch out!� was all she could scream when she saw the front of the truck that was about to hit them. She squeezed her eyes shut as Derek swerved around the other vehicle.

“You should pay attention to the road.� Penelope had to gather all her self-discipline not to yell at him. Were the damn seats really that important?! Men and their cars! “You nearly killed us.�

“Sorry, I was… distracted,� he replied, sounding somewhat guilty.

Had he really stared at her that way, and not because he was worried she’d ruin the seats? No, it couldn’t be.

At least he really seemed sorry for scaring her so much. “I think the heat has gone to your head,� she mumbled. She was serious, but he obviously understood it as their usual banter.

“I just have problems focusing with you and your ice cream so close to me,� he replied.

Penelope’s heart started to beat faster again. Oh, how she wanted him to mean it the way it sounded! What on earth was wrong with her, with them? Their banter had always been playful, nothing more. Now, whenever they were close to each other, it felt like they were about to ravish one another every moment. This wasn’t normal, this was crazy. God, this paragon of sexiness would be her doom.

“And the sounds you’re making over there aren’t helpful, either,� he added.

This made Penelope giggle, in a way only he could make her giggle. “Am I driving you insane?� she teased. Yeah, like hell you are.

“You have fun doing that, don’t you?� His voice was almost a growl.

“You betcha!� Penelope laughed triumphantly. She had to admit that it seemed to work a little too well lately. What the hell was wrong with him?! “You know, I really think you need to…�

Thankfully, the ringing of her cell phone kept her from finishing the sentence. She should really think before she opened her mouth!

Looking at the caller ID, she frowned slightly. It was Kevin again, and she knew where this conversation would be going, again. The last thing she needed right now was Kevin complaining about the fact she still wasn’t back – and Derek witnessing the whole thing.

“Yeah,� she answered the call, even though she didn’t want to. But hanging up on Kevin right now meant Derek would ask too many questions. She didn’t need that right now, either.

“Why aren’t you back already?� Kevin almost whined. “You told me you almost had the guy.�

“I know.� She so didn’t want to deal with this right now. “Can I… Can I call you back? It’s a little… inconvenient right now.�

“Why? Are you with him?� he almost shouted at her. “Are you sharing the room again?�

Kevin’s jealousy concerning Derek had grown since the case in Alaska, when she’d shared a room with Morgan. As if there was anything to worry about. At first, it had felt good that Kevin was jealous. It meant that he loved her, after all. But lately, it was getting annoying.

She hung up, and then cursed herself for doing it. She’d just made things more complicated.

Title: Longing – Part 1
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #29 Need
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 7/? of the ‘Love and prejudice’-series.
warnings: none


Derek sat on his bed and desperately tried to concentrate on the paper work. He needed to update the profile with the information Penelope had found on the UNSUB’s computers. The only problem was that concentrating seemed to be impossible.

It wasn’t only the heat that made concentrating so hard, it was his freaking mind, which he was about to lose already.

His mind kept wondering back to earlier in the afternoon. Images of Penelope popped up in his head; her sweet mouth chewing on her pen while she was waiting for her computers to finish whatever she wanted them to do.

Through his open window, he heard her muffled voice. Of course, he couldn’t understand what she was saying, but she knew who she was talking to.

He knew they were just talking on the phone, but he felt jealousy rising in his chest again.

Derek wondered if they called each other every night. He wondered what they would talk about – and he didn’t like the answer his fantasy came up with.

He imagined her calling him nicknames – nicknames she used to save just for him – and he had a sudden urge to punch something. Did she call him ‘hot stuff’ or ‘cupcake’? Did he call her ‘baby girl’? Oh, if he dared…

Derek could almost see her in front of him, how the corner of her mouth moved upwards in the unique smirk he’d seen so often. Her tongue flipping out of her mouth while she flirted over the phone. Her perfect white teeth behind her oh so kissable ruby lips… How many times had he imagined that sight while she had been talking to and flirting with him?!

Now, the times they unrestrainedly flirted with each other were more than rare.

Derek knew he shouldn’t think about her that way. Not while she was seeing someone else. Especially not when it seemed to be lasting.

Desperately, he tried to make his mind focus on anything. Well, anything else than a particular blonde Technical Analyst.

He couldn’t. His mind kept taking him back to the events of this afternoon. Locked up with her in a room, the heat almost unbearable, and the only thing he had been able to do was watch the sweat pearls run down her neck and disappear in her neckline.

Derek swallowed as he remembered that sight. Then there was the image again, her mouth chewing on the pen…

It must have been the heat. He didn’t feel that way about her, he never had. He had never thought of her as more than his best friend. He had never had any romantic feelings for her before. It had never aroused him just to think about her perfect tongue.

Yeah, as if!

In another attempt to clear his mind from any thoughts Penelope-related, Derek shook his head and turned back to his report. They hadn’t found anything special on his computers, and so far, it hadn’t been possible to track down his new hide-out. They had finally decided to drive back to the police station and leave the rest to the CSI.

Penelope hadn’t found anything on the computers. They had stopped for lunch. The girls had insisted on having ice cream for dessert.

The image of Penelope eating the ice cream popped up in his head. He heard the sounds of pure pleasure she’d been making while eating her dessert. He saw the small drop of ice cream hitting her thigh, lingering on her perfect pale skin, and this time, he couldn’t stop the fierce reactions of his body.

Damn, he really shouldn’t think about her that way!

Concentrating was impossible now, so he gave up trying. Instead, he plodded into the bathroom and got into the shower. His whole body winced as the cold water hit him, and Derek drew in a sharp breath. Unfortunately, it didn’t change his current condition one bit.

He tried to think about someone else, any other woman in the goddamn world – and there were a lot of women coming to his mind. He tried to think about actresses he used to drool about when he was younger. He tried to think about women he had dated, the woman from the third floor who had flirted with him this morning. Hell, he even tried to think about JJ or Emily.

It didn’t help. All he could think about was his Baby Girl.

This was crazy. He shouldn’t think about her this way. He shouldn’t think about her at all – not while he was…

Screw it!

There was nothing in the world that could arouse him more than thinking about his Baby Girl, even though he knew it was wrong. She was taken; and he was crazy about her.

Why the hell did he feel this way? Why for her? Why now? What had caused it? What on earth had gotten into him? He’d never had it that bad for anyone before. Maybe the heat really was why he couldn’t get Penelope out of his head anymore.

This afternoon, he’d come dangerously close to losing his mind and just ravishing her. She had teased him, or at least, it felt like she had.

First, the pen she had constantly chewed on. God, the image was suitable for a porn magazine.

Then, her skirt. The way she had pushed it up, baring her perfectly pale skin.

The way the sweat had been running down her neck…

Last, but not least, the ice cream. That had nearly killed him – especially considering he’d nearly hit a truck. God, how he would have liked to help her clean off her thigh from all the ice cream.

His favorite memory was how he had pinned her body against the wall in the office with his own, though. The way she had felt pressed closely against him, so soft, so warm, so perfect…

“God, Baby Girl…� he whispered through gritted teeth.

At that moment, he could have just taken her – he knew she wouldn’t have put up any resistance. Of course, he would never do that to her, no matter how much his body was longing for her touch, or how much the rest of him was longing for her love. He would never make her cheat on her boyfriend.

A man could dream, though.

Title: Longing – Part 2
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #25 Forbidden
Rating: T, most definitely
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 8/? of the ‘Love and Prejudice’-series. Penelope’s point of view again. What she thinks about the events of the afternoon, and her relationship with Derek – and with Kevin.
warnings: none



“Kevin, would you…� Penelope tried again, and sighed, annoyed. It was merely impossible to have a reasonable conversation with Kevin – especially when the topic was Derek Morgan.

“What? You expect me to stay calm when you’re away with him again?� Kevin shouted.

“Kevin, please.� Penelope’s voice became more stern. “I’m on a case with the team. It wasn’t Derek who told me to go with them, and it wasn’t my decision, either. If you want to complain, call Hotch!�

And then she made things worse once again. She hung up on him. She just couldn’t stand his jealous outbursts any longer.

Only twenty seconds later, her phone was ringing again. Penelope growled. Did he really think that she wanted to talk to him and hear his ranting right now?! Wasn’t the fact that she’d just hung up on him a sign?!

Why had she acted like that, anyway? This wasn’t the first time Kevin was jealous of Derek, but it was the first time they’d really fought about it. In fact, this was their first real fight at all – and it didn’t seem to be ending.

Whenever Kevin called her, she was annoyed, because she expected him to complain about the fact that she was ‘on the road with Derek Morgan’ again. Whenever she was annoyed, Kevin thought he’d interrupted something – and immediately burst with jealousy again.

And the fact that her mind was busy processing Derek’s strange behavior wasn’t helping a single bit. Why had he been acting so weird, lately? He kept staring at her, making her shiver every damn time she noticed it, and making the goddamn daydreams come back.

She was over this. She was over drooling over Derek Morgan every time he entered the room. She was over daydreaming about things that were never going to happen. She was over longing for him on lonely nights. Or at least, she thought she was.

The truth was, there only had to be the slightest hint that Derek might be interested in her to make her abandon all her resolutions immediately and go back to feeling like a lovestruck teenager, just like she’d felt when she first met Derek.

She was crazy about him, and that wasn’t going to change anytime soon, especially not with this heat. And it wasn’t only the ridiculously high temperature that made her feel this way. Every time Derek Morgan entered the room, the temperature rose sky high.

Maybe he’d noticed it, too. Maybe it wasn’t just her. Maybe he really felt the same; as if there was some kind of special connection between them.

Yeah, keep dreaming, Penelope!

Why did she have to be this obsessed with him? Why couldn’t she just move on and accept that this was never gonna happen? Why did he always have to make her feel this way???

This afternoon, when he had pressed her against the wall and pretended to be about to ravish her, she’d realized that no matter how hard she tried, she would always be at his feet; and she would never love Kevin, or anyone else for that matter, as much as she loved Derek.

He didn’t only have her heart; he had her body and her soul just as much. He had power over her. She was nothing but his marionette, and there was nothing she could do about it. No matter how much she pretended to have moved on with Kevin, the moment Derek snapped his fingers, she fell for him again.

As a matter of fact, if he’d really tried and seduced her this afternoon, she’d even cheated on her boyfriend without reconsidering it for a single second – something she’d always been sure she would never do. Yes, she was his. He could do anything he wanted with her, anytime; kiss her, make love to her – or break her heart.

Penelope couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down her face, nor the sob that escaped her mouth. She’d wanted to move on so badly. She’d wanted to finally find someone and be happy, and she’d thought she had been. She loved Kevin, after all.

But she wasn’t. Kevin just couldn’t make her happy. No matter how sweet and caring he was, no matter how much he loved her and cared about her, he wasn’t Derek – and she would never be able to love him the way she loved Derek.

Screw it! It didn’t matter that she loved Derek more than she loved Kevin. She and Derek weren’t going to happen. It was a dream, nothing more.

Oh, but what a dream it was! How good it had felt when he had been so close to her. His hot, strong body pressed against hers… The mere thought of that feeling made her shiver again. This wasn’t normal. She wasn’t acting normal; wasn’t even thinking normal.

She just couldn’t stop thinking about this afternoon and the things Derek had made her feel. God, how she’d wanted him to cross this line, to kiss her, touch her. Hadn’t he noticed how much she’d been begging for his touch?! Of course he had, and he’d enjoyed it.

He had known that he had her, that he had just needed to brush her lips with his to make her forget about the fact that she even had a boyfriend.

Stop it! Stop thinking about him! Don’t think about his luxurious body, or his hands… how they would feel on your skin…

She knew she shouldn’t think such things about another man, nor do what she was about to do while she was thinking about another man. But she couldn’t help it.

If only he had kissed her, touched her, just once. He surely would know how she wanted to be touched without having to be told. She could very well imagine how his hands would feel on her skin, how he touched her, kissed her…

Her phone started buzzing again, but she didn’t even hear it. She was wrapped up in her own little world that at the moment was only revolving around a certain agent.

She didn’t know that on the other end of the line, her long-term boyfriend was going crazy with jealousy – and he didn’t know that right now, he had every reason to be.

Penelope had to bite her lips so hard they started to bleed, to keep herself from screaming Derek’s name. With her open window and his room right next to hers, he would surely have heard her.

What on earth had gotten into her?! Penelope couldn’t believe she had just done that. For almost three years, she had managed to think about Kevin, and him only, in moments like this.

He doesn’t want you. Not this way. This is never going to happen!

She knew this was crazy. She knew she shouldn’t go back to thinking about him this way. But it felt so good. Much better than it felt when she thought about Kevin. Even if this was never going to happen in a billion years.

A girl could dream, though.

Title: Threat – Part 1
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #11 Forget
Rating: T (just to be sure)
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: The heat now isn’t Derek’s only problem.
warnings: none

AN: I know, it’s been a ridiculously long time again. I planned on writing a nice Christmas story, but once again life got in the way, so I simply didn’t find the time to write anything. To be honest, I didn’t even find the time to post this story. Thanks again to my wonderful beta-reader Jenny!
What can I say?! I will never understand why some people have fun destroying the life of others – or simply destroying other people. It’s amazing how many psychopaths really are out there like the one described in the episode “25 to life�.
But, somehow, I managed to get through all this more or less unscathed. So, now here I am and hopefully, I’ll have more time to write in the future.
Thanks once more for hanging in there with me. Thanks for all the encouraging reviews I always receive. You helped me get through the hardest two and a half years of my life.
Now, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I thought it was time to shake things up a little. ;)
Hugs,
Caro

Derek breathed deeply and ran a hand over his face. Penelope hadn’t been able to find much on the unsub’s computers. This guy was simply too good, even for her. Hotch was worried about her, which meant that Derek hadn’t left Penelope’s side in a very long time. Not that he minded. He wanted to be with her – but then, he also wanted to avoid her. He’d never felt so peculiar about anyone.

He felt good when he was near her – much too good. He knew it was wrong. That was why his head told him to stay away from her. Alas, the whole rest of him kept staying close to her. He loved their banter much more than was good for him. He loved to hear her voice, her laughter.

The events of the previous day were still very present on his mind. He’d always been easy and good with women. He’d never had any problems flirting with them. Why was everything so different with Penelope?

Why did he have to feel this way about her in the first place?! She was with someone else, and it wasn’t like he’d have to look very long for somebody else, either. The problem was… he didn’t want anyone else. He wanted her, and that scared him.

He had learned the hard way that true love and physical attraction didn’t go together. He had never loved a woman AND felt physically attracted to her. It was either one or the other, but never both – until now. Now, Penelope was like a magnet to him. She was the lantern, and he was the moth. Even though he knew that he’d burn himself, he couldn’t stay away from her.

He heard the door being pushed open and quickly put the photograph away.

“Anything?� he asked when he saw Penelope stepping through the door.

“Nada,� she replied resignedly. “He’s better than I thought. Deleted all his files, and there’s just no way of bringing them back, not even with the help of my baby with all its nice programs.�

Derek swore silently. Things had just gotten worse. They were stuck here for the unforeseeable future. This sicko just always was one step ahead of them.

“Shower and bed for me,� Penelope told him. “I really need to rest.�

He couldn’t help himself; this was too easy. “Does that mean I’m not invited?� Derek teased, before he even had time to mind what he was about to say.

“Hot Stuff, you wouldn’t be able to keep up with me, even if I’m in my worst condition,� she giggled.

Derek smiled lecherously at her. “You wanna try me?�

Stop it, Derek, don’t do this!

“Oh, be still my heart!� Penelope theatrically put a hand to her chest, before she sashayed out of the room.

Derek’s smile turned into a frown as he recalled what Hotch had told him while Penelope had been trying to crack the unsub’s computer.

“Did you tell her?� Rossi asked.

Derek shook his head. “I didn’t want her to… I don’t know. Do you think I should tell her?�

“You know her better than any of us.� Rossi shrugged and sat down next to Derek. “How do you think she’ll react?�

“She’ll continue working to find this guy as fast as possible,� Derek replied. Sighing, he handed the picture to Rossi and added, “But internally, she’ll freak out.�

“She’s not trained for situations like this.� Rossi stood up to pour himself and Derek a drink.

Yeah, that’s because she shouldn’t GET in a situation like this, Derek thought. If only he could convince Hotch to send her back to Quantico, but that was out of question. They needed her here. This unsub simply was too good with computers.

“We’re all worried about her, Derek,� Hotch told him as if he’d read his mind.

“I know,� he grumbled.

Hotch and Rossi exchanged a knowing look.

Sighing once again, Derek got up. “I’m gonna tell her.� If he was in her situation, he would at least want to know about it.

None of the other two men held him back as Derek stomped out of the room.

He hesitated, reconsidered his decision – then reconsidered the decision to reconsider it. Finally, he knocked.

It took almost a minute, before Penelope opened, dressed in her pajamas. Neither of them minded; he’d seen her in them before.

“What’s wrong?� Penelope frowned. “You look like someone got shot.�

“Can I come in?� Derek asked, without answering her question. “I… There’s something I need to tell you.�

“Okay… Someone got shot, right?� She stepped aside so that Derek could enter.

“No,� he assured her. “We just… got a warning.�

“Warning?� She sat down on the couch in her room. “What kind of warning?�

Derek fished the picture out of his pocket and handed it to her.

Penelope took the picture and stared at it in shock. It was her, sitting in front of a computer. She turned the picture around, to find the handwritten message:

Stop chasing me!

“We believe he hacked your computer, and this is the proof,� Derek explained.

Penelope frowned and studied the picture again. “He didn’t hack my computer,� she told him. Moving closer, she pointed at the background of the picture. “This is his hiding place. He certainly didn’t even need to hack the computer to take this picture of me.�

Derek frowned. He hadn’t even noticed that it wasn’t Penelope’s office where the picture had been taken.

God, and it just became harder to concentrate with her so close to him. He could feel the heat radiating from her body, smell her perfume…

Derek cleared his throat. “So he’s been watching us the whole time.�

“But only in his place.� Penelope thought about it some more. “Maybe he isn’t as good with computers as I thought he was.�

“What do you mean?� Derek asked, frowning at her.

“Well, he hasn’t tried to hack my computers so far.� Penelope chewed on her lower lip as she thought about the unsub.

“You would have noticed if he had,� Derek stated.

It was getting harder to concentrate with her so close to him. Suddenly, the memories of the previous night came back, and Derek felt uncomfortable – ashamed, even. Of course, Penelope couldn’t know what he had done while thinking about her, but still…

“I won’t stop chasing him,� Penelope mumbled more to herself than to Derek.

“I know.� He nodded, and then took a deep breath. That was exactly why he was worried about her – and about himself. The fact that his Baby Girl was threatened by the unsub meant that Hotch would make Derek watch over her. God, was he in trouble!

“Hey…� She grinned at him and nudged him with her shoulder. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’ve got you to protect me, remember?�

“Yeah…� He tried to give her a smile. That’s exactly what I worry about.

“Okay, so, if he tries to threaten me, it means he sees me as a threat, right?� Penelope frowned. Maybe she had already found a lead without knowing it.

“Certainly, but it also means you’re in danger. We have to be careful. From now on, you won’t go anywhere alone.� Derek locked eyes with her to make her understand how serious he was.

“It scares me when you talk like that,� Penelope whispered.

Carefully, Derek stroked her cheek. “I’m worried about you,� he replied honestly. “I didn’t mean to scare you, but we really have to be careful.�

She nodded and rubbed her upper arms.

“You’re safe in here,� Derek assured her. “You got six armed FBI agents to protect you, after all.�

“Yeah, well, I still don’t really believe in guns, you know.� Penelope rubbed her arms again.

“Hey, Baby Girl…� Derek made her look at him again. “I won’t let anything happen to you, ever.�

“I know that.� She tried her best to give him a smile. “I’m just not used to situations like this.�

Derek nodded in understanding, but didn’t say anything in return.

God, she was so beautiful. She seemed to look more beautiful when she was afraid. If only she’d let him kiss all her fears away. Maybe he should stay with her for the night to make sure she was all right.

Yeah, so she needs to be protected from you and your approaches.

“Try to get some sleep now.� Derek almost jumped up from the couch, hoping she didn’t notice. “Call me if you need anything.�

“Um… sure,� Penelope agreed, watching him leave.

Derek closed the door behind him, took a deep breath, and headed for his room. He really needed to get these thoughts about a particular technical analyst out of his head. He couldn’t even spend a single minute in one room with her anymore. That wasn’t normal.

He hadn’t even closed the door to his room, when he suddenly heard Penelope scream.

Title: Threat – Part 2
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #10 Memory
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 10/? of the “Love and prejudice�-series. Penelope’s POV.
warnings: none


Penelope swore silently. This guy was just too good at covering his tracks, even for her. Or maybe it was just the fact that it was impossible for her to concentrate. On anything. Well, on anything except a particular FBI agent.

Sighing, she shut her computers down and tiredly rubbed her eyes. It was too late, anyway. She would put herself to bed and try again tomorrow. Maybe she’d be more successful if she were fresh and rested.

Yeah, as if it was possible for her to find any sleep – any dreamless sleep.

When she came back to the lobby of the hotel, which was some sort of meeting room for the time being, she realized she wasn’t the only one on her wits end. Hotch, Rossi, and especially Derek looked like someone had run over their dogs.

“Anything?� Derek asked, hope obvious in his voice.

“Nada.� She sighed. She could have repeated the word in at least five other languages – and she certainly would have, had she been in the mood. But she honestly wasn’t in the mood for anything right now.

“He’s better than I thought,� she went on. “Deleted all his files, and there’s just no way of bringing them back, not even with the help of my baby with all its nice programs.�

She heard Derek swore – something he hardly ever did.

“Shower and bed for me.� She turned to make her way upstairs for her room. “I really need to rest.�

“Does that mean I’m not invited?� She heard his lustry voice behind her.

Smiling her most seductive smile, she slowly turned back to him. Don’t do this, Penelope! Don’t even think about going with this! she heard a tiny voice in her head say. But the voice was too tiny for her to pay any attention.

“Hot Stuff, you wouldn’t be able to keep up with me, even if I’m in my worst condition,� she chuckled. This had been too easy.

“You wanna try me?�

Hell, yes! God, how could he always turn her into a puddle of lust with only one look, only one word?! Her heart skipped a few beats. It should be put under restriction to look so damn hot!

“Oh, be still my heart!� She made an exaggerated gesture to hide what she was really feeling at the moment, and turned to leave.

Her hands were shaking when she opened her door. Cursing herself, she went to the bathroom to change. Why did he still have such an effect on her?!

Because you let him!

Sighing, she crawled into her bed to get some much needed rest. If only she didn’t dream of a certain FBI agent again. This heat was killing her – and these feelings were starting to make her become nuts. This wasn’t normal anymore. Horny wasn’t even near describing what she felt like when she was with Derek, or only just thought about him – and she couldn’t stop thinking about him anymore.

She knew she shouldn’t feel this way – not about him, anyway. She’d managed to repress these feelings for a while. Or maybe just to ignore them. But now, they seemed to come back multiplied. How was she supposed to resist a temptation like Derek Morgan?! How was she supposed to ignore what she had been feeling for so long?!

A knock on the door kept her from thinking further about that question. Unwillingly, she rose from the bed and waddled towards the door. When she opened it, she immediately wished she wasn’t dressed in her pajamas. But Derek didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he didn’t even seem to notice. He’d seen her in her pajamas before, after all.

“What’s wrong?� she asked. “You look like someone got shot.�

She’d said that to lighten up the mood. But when the expression on Derek’s face didn’t change in the least, she suddenly feared that she might have hit the nail on the head.

“Can I come in?� he asked, instead of answering her question. “I… There’s something I need to tell you.�

Okay, that was so not funny anymore. She almost didn’t dare ask, when she stepped aside. “Okay… Someone got shot, right?� she mumbled.

“No.�

Penelope sighed with relief when she heard him say that word.

“We just… got a warning,� he added.

“Warning?� she repeated, and let herself drop on the couch in her room, her mind busy trying to come up with ideas of what kind of ‘warning’ could worry Derek so much. But she came up empty.

“What kind of warning?� she finally asked.

He didn’t say anything – just handed her a picture.

Staring at the picture in her hand, Penelope felt a cold shiver running down her spine. It was a picture of her, sitting in front of a computer. It cost all her self-control not to let Derek see that her hands were shaking when she turned the picture around.

Stop chasing me! was the message on the back.

“We believe he hacked your computer, and this is the proof,� Derek said.

Penelope frowned. This was impossible. He couldn’t have hacked her computer without her baby noticing it. He couldn’t be that good.

It was hard to concentrate with Derek sitting so close to her, though. Penelope closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. God, this man smelled even better than he looked.

“He didn’t hack my computer.� It was hard to form a meaningful sentence – and yet, she moved just a bit closer to him. He was like a magnet.

Focus, Penelope! Focus on the picture!

Pointing at the background, she told him, “This is his hiding place. He certainly didn’t even need to hack the computer to take this picture of me.�

She saw Derek frown – and then he closed his eyes for a moment, certainly wondering why he hadn’t seen what she’d just told him. “So he’s been watching us the whole time,� he stated.

“But only in his place,� Penelope specified. Frowning, she wondered why this guy hadn’t even tried to hack her computer. If he wanted to scare her, if he wanted to warn her and tell her that he was watching her, why on earth didn’t he hack her computer then?! Or at least the CCTV system?!

“Maybe he isn’t as good with computers as I thought he was,� she mumbled.

Derek turned to frown at her. “What do you mean?�

She was puzzled for a moment, before realizing that she had actually said the words out loud. “Well, he hasn’t tried to hack my computers so far,� she explained, turning a little to look at him.

God, she could get lost in these eyes for the rest of her life. He was so close to her that she could almost feel his breath against her skin. She only needed to lean a bit forward to let her lips touch his.

Suddenly, the memory of what she had done the previous night while thinking about him returned quite vividly. God, if only she got the chance to find out if reality met her imagination. The thought made her chew on her lips. Just a few inches…

Stop it! Now!

“You would have noticed if he had.� Derek’s voice came from somewhere far away.

Penelope blinked, looked at him for a second, and then nodded.

Derek shifted next to her. He suddenly seemed uncomfortable. God, had he noticed that she had been staring at him? He couldn’t possibly know what she’d been thinking about, could he? Though, he was a profiler, after all…

“I won’t stop chasing him,� Penelope said, just to say something that ended the unbearable, almost embarrassing silence that had settled between them.

“I know,� he replied, nodding, and his face suddenly darkened.

Wait, was he actually worried about her?! Of course he was. He always was.

“Hey,� she said, grinning at him and nudging him with her shoulder. “There’s nothing to worry about. I’ve got you to protect me, remember?�

“Yeah…� He just looked down, as if he tried to avoid her eyes.

Okay, that wasn’t exactly the reaction she’d expected. She’d expected him to tease back. He hadn’t. That either meant he was really worried about her – or he didn’t want to babysit her.

Penelope decided not to think about this question. She didn’t want to know the answer.

“Okay, so, if he tries to threaten me, it means he sees me as a threat, right?� Penelope frowned again. If only she knew why.

“Certainly, but it also means you’re in danger. We have to be careful. From now on, you won’t go anywhere alone.� Derek locked eyes with her, making the butterflies raise in her stomach again.

“It scares me when you talk like that,� she whispered. Especially when you look at me like this while saying it. But was she more afraid of the potential threat from the unsub, or of what alternate scenarios with her and Derek on this couch were playing in her head right now?

Derek reached out to gently stroke her cheek, sending shivers down her spine. “I’m worried about you,� he told her, making her heart jump, knowing that she still meant something to him. “I didn’t mean to scare you, but we really have to be careful.�

All she could do was nod, rubbing her upper arms to suppress a shiver that wanted to make her whole body shake. She still wasn’t sure if it was the thought of a killer being after her or Derek’s gentle touch that made her feel this way.

You really shouldn’t let him have such an effect on you! Yeah, but how could she not?

“You’re safe in here,� Derek assured her. “You got six armed FBI agents to protect you, after all.�

“Yeah, well, I still don’t really believe in guns, you know,� Penelope replied, rubbing her upper arms again.

“Hey, Baby Girl…� Derek waited for her to turn and look at him. “I won’t let anything happen to you, ever.�

“I know that.� She tried faking a smile, even though she didn’t feel like smiling at all. Her head was spinning, her feelings were a chaotic pulp of fear, love, desire, and a number of feelings she couldn’t name. “I’m just not used to situations like this.�

Derek nodded, certainly without knowing that she hadn’t only been speaking about being menaced by a serial killer. He looked at her, and his eyes got that strange expression again, making Penelope’s heart beat faster. If only she knew what he was thinking about.

A serial killer, Penelope, what else? Stop dreaming!

“Try to get some sleep now,� he said, suddenly jumping up from the couch. “Call me if you need anything.�

Okay, that was strange. “Um… sure,� was all she managed to say as she watched him leave.

Sighing once again, Penelope got up from the couch and turned to crawl back into her bed, but she froze in the middle of the movement.

A figure dressed in a black hoodie was meddling with the clasp on the window to her room.

For a moment, she couldn’t move, couldn’t say or do anything, couldn’t even breathe.

When her voice finally came back, all she could really do was scream.

Title: Worry – Part 1
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #7 Forever
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 11/? of the “Love and prejudice�-series.
warnings: none

AN: I just wanted to say thank you once again. First of all, of course, to my wonderful and incredibly fast beta-reader. Secondly, to everyone who reviewed/commented my recently updated stories. I know, I’m far behind with replying, and I’m sorry. All your comments are much loved and highly appreciated.
With the recent events on the show, this story absolutely has no spoilers. And I’m not gonna react to said events – at least not in this story. However, I’ll take this story into a new direction now, but that has seriously nothing to do with whatever happened on the show lately. I had this plot in mind a long time before all that. I hope you’ll still enjoy the story. :)
Have a nice weekend everyone!

Derek ripped the door to his room back open, stormed outside into the corridor, drew his gun, and kicked in the door to Penelope’s room.

She was standing next to the couch, where he had last seen her, staring in shock in the direction of her window. But she seemed unharmed.

Following her gaze, Derek saw a figure disappear. He rushed towards the window, ripping it open, but he only saw the figure disappear into the night. He aimed, but didn’t dare to shoot. It was too dark, and therefore, too dangerous.

“Hotch,� he called out. “In the backyard.�

“Got it,� Hotch yelled from downstairs.

Derek turned, to find Penelope frozen, still staring outside the window. Rushing over to her, he hesitated for a moment, and then caught her in his arms.

Penelope immediately returned his embrace, burying her face in his chest, and took a deep breath. “I was so scared,� she whispered.

“It’s okay, baby,� Derek whispered into her hair, kissing the top of her head. “He’s gone, and I’ll make sure he won’t come back.�

She nodded against his chest.

They stood there for quite a while, just holding each other. Derek wasn’t sure how long. He was just relieved that nothing had happened to his girl – and it felt good to hold her.

Hotch came running into the room. “He escaped,� he told Derek, a little out of breath.

Derek swore silently, before looking down at Penelope. “I’m sorry,� he whispered.

“It’s okay,� she assured him. “I’m safe in here, right?�

“Of course you are,� he assured her. “I’ll make sure of that.�

Penelope nodded, drawing in a shaky breath.

“We’ll move to another hotel,� Hotch stated. “I’ll arrange everything necessary. Until we can move, you’ll stay with Garcia.�

“Yes, sir,� Derek agreed. Of course, he wouldn’t have gone anywhere, even if Hotch hadn’t ordered him to stay.

“Come on, let’s pack up!� Derek unwillingly let go of Penelope. “The sooner we can get outta here, the better.�

Her hands were still shaking when she took out her suitcase and started packing her things. It didn’t take her very long. As Derek knew, she never really settled in a hotel room, so most of her stuff was still neatly packed in her suitcase.

Derek took the suitcase from her and led her into his own room to start packing, as well. His head was spinning; but for the first time in days, it wasn’t merely because of Penelope’s presence, but because of the potential threat.

He would keep his promise. He wouldn’t let anything happen to her. He would chase this guy down, even if it was the last thing he ever did.

A few minutes later, they were waiting again – this time, sitting on the couch in his room. Derek held Penelope’s hand. He’d wanted to pull her into his arms again, but he didn’t dare. He was torn between the worry about Penelope and the longing for her to be near him.

Of course, he could have taken advantage of the current situation and held her close to him. But he knew he couldn’t have enjoyed the embrace, thinking of what had led them here.

“Do you think he’ll come back?� Penelope suddenly asked into the silence.

“I don’t know,� Derek replied honestly. “But apparently Hotch thinks it’s possible. It’s better to leave.�

She nodded.

“We’ll keep our eyes glued to you,� Derek assured her. “You’ll see; we’ll catch this guy in no time at all.�

“I know,� she said. “I’m safe.�

Derek ran a hand over his face. He’d told her she was safe in the hotel, only seconds before this sleaze had tried to get to her. He had been wrong.

“We underestimated him,� Derek admitted. “That’s not gonna happen again. Next time, we’ll be prepared.�

“Can we?� Penelope whispered.

Derek took her hands in his and made her look at him. “Yes,� he assured her, gently squeezing her hands. “We’ll be prepared.�

She shifted uncomfortably, but nodded, nonetheless.

Gently, he stroked the back of her hands with his thumbs. He desperately wanted to hold her, feel her perfect body against his… inhale her intoxicatingly sweet scent…

He saw her lips moving while she was talking to him, her tongue flipping out between her teeth. Oh, those perfect, and oh so kissable lips…

“Derek?� He heard her voice call his name from somewhere pretty far away. Images of the many ways he could make her call out his name over and over again popped up in his mind.

“Derek?� He heard her voice again, but this time, it sounded louder – and a little offended.

“Uh… huh?� was all he was able to mumble, his mind slowly returning to reality.

“Did you actually listen to me?� Penelope asked, frowning at him.

Derek shook his head in order to get the images he’d just indulged himself in out of his head, and cleared his throat. “Sorry, I was… thinking…� It wasn’t exactly a lie. He just hoped she wouldn’t ask what about.

“You do that a lot lately,� she mumbled instead.

“Huh?� Derek asked, frowning at her. He still wasn’t entirely capable of thinking clearly.

“Are you okay?� Penelope asked, sounding really worried.

“Yeah,� he assured her, sighing. “It’s just…� Yeah, what is it? How was he supposed to tell her why he was acting so strange lately?

“It’s just what?� she pressed him.

“I…� he started, but honestly wasn’t sure how to continue this sentence. Just go with the truth, leaving out what she doesn’t need to know!

“It’s the heat,� he admitted, “and the fact that this unsub always seems to be one step ahead of us. I can’t really concentrate on anything. I’m worried, and exhausted, and frustrated.� And horny, and churning, and hopelessly in love with you.

“Yeah, me, too.� Penelope nodded to underline her words. “And scared,� she added.

“Nothing’s gonna happen to you,� he once again promised. “We’re all on alert now. He won’t get a second chance to get close to you.�

“I know,� she replied. “But the fact that Hotch wants us to move to another hotel right away is somewhat… scary. I mean, he wouldn’t do that if he didn’t think the guy would try to get to me again, right?�

“He’s just following protocol,� Derek told her to calm her down. “And he doesn’t want to take an unnecessary risk. He just wants to be sure.�

“Why do things like this always happen to me?� she whispered.

“I don’t know,� Derek answered, pulling her into his arms, just a bit closer than would have been necessary to offer comfort.

But she didn’t complain. In fact, she seemed to relax the longer he held her. If only he could hold her forever. He never wanted to let go of her again.

A knock on the door interrupted them. Unwillingly, Derek rose from the couch to answer it, one hand on his weapon.

“We’re ready to leave,� Hotch told him.

Nodding, Derek went back inside the room to grab his and Penelope’s suitcases.

“I can carry that on my own,� she told him. “I’m all grown up.�

“I know,� Derek answered with a grin, letting her walk outside before he did. “But I can’t help being a gentleman.�

“Why do I get the impression that you’re babying me?� she teased. “You didn’t carry my suitcase up here.�

“Woman, will you hush and enjoy the fact that I’m spoiling you here?� He rolled his eyes.

Giggling, Penelope asked coyly, “Does that mean you’re gonna carry my suitcase into my room in the other hotel?�

“Of course I will,� he assured her. “Right after I make sure the room is safe, and that there are no monsters under the bed.�

“Okay, now I feel like you’re babying me.� She sighed theatrically.

Derek just chuckled. At least she was a little more light-hearted again. He had obviously been able to cheer her up.

His heart beat faster at the thought that he was the only one who could do this – cheer her up, make her feel safe, even in a situation like this. She only felt this way with him, didn’t she?

That was a good starting point…

Title: Worry – Part 2
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #12 Remember
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 12/? of the ‘Love and prejudice’-series.
warnings: none


She heard the door being kicked in, but couldn’t turn to look who it was. Was it Derek coming back to save her? Or did the Unsub have an accomplice?

She saw the figure on the window disappear, and then she saw Derek rushing through the window, aiming at something out in the dark, but not shooting. He shouted something – and someone shouted back. But Penelope couldn’t understand what was spoken.

Suddenly, she felt two strong arms coming around her to pull her into a tight embrace. A familiar scent filled her nose, and she immediately relaxed in Derek’s arms.

She took a deep breath, inhaling his scent deeply. He smelled strong, masculine, and intoxicating, making her feel safe immediately.

“I was so scared,� she whispered against his chest.

He whispered comforting words to her, and then kissed the top of her head, making a shiver run through her body, followed by a comfortably warm feeling. She was safe.

Penelope wasn’t sure how long they stood there in the middle of her hotel room, holding each other. She just knew that she enjoyed their embrace much more than was appropriate. But instead of breaking free from the circle of his arms, Penelope closed her eyes to be able to fully enjoy this. She even felt herself thinking that this incident wasn’t all that bad.

That was, until Hotch came into the room, telling them the Unsub had escaped.

Realization hit her that this could happen again anytime – and maybe next time, Derek wouldn’t be there to save her and then hold her afterwards.

She couldn’t stop the shiver that ran down her spine.

“I’m sorry,� Derek whispered.

“It’s okay,� Penelope heard herself say, somewhat automatically. “I’m safe in here, right?�

“Of course you are,� Derek told her. “I’ll make sure of that.�

She nodded, rubbing her upper arms. Derek would protect her, as he always did. There was nothing to be afraid of as long as he was around – and he wasn’t going anywhere, was he?

Hotch told them to pack their belongings and get ready to move to another hotel.

It had to be really bad if Hotch thought it was necessary to move. The Unsub could come back anytime. Anytime.

Penelope shivered once again.

“Come on, let’s pack up!� Derek ordered, letting go of Penelope, which almost caused her to make a sound of complaint she could only just suppress.

“The sooner we get outta here, the better,� Derek added.

Penelope nodded, but she wasn’t sure about it. Couldn’t they just stay in here? Couldn’t Derek stay here with her and protect her as long as necessary?

Face it, Penelope, he has better things to do than babysit you.

Fortunately, she never really settled in hotels, so most of her stuff hadn’t left the suitcase yet. Her hands were shaking so vigorously, she wasn’t sure she would have been able to pack anything more than her toothbrush and the few cosmetics.

She wanted to carry her suitcase out of the room, but Derek took it from her. He always did things like that – and she still thought it was sweet that he was such a gentleman. She couldn’t help but wonder if he treated every woman like this.

Of course he does; that’s what he is like.

Taking a deep breath, she followed him into his room, where she sat down on the couch while Derek packed up.

Her head was spinning again – but this time, it was because of the Unsub, and not because of a particular FBI agent.

However, that changed when Derek came and sat next to her on the couch in his room. She couldn’t quite explain what happened to her whenever he was near. There was a heat radiating from his body she had never noticed coming from anyone but him.

It wasn’t even really something you could call ‘heat’, but Penelope couldn’t find another term, either. It wasn’t anything physically definable. It was a warm feeling that made pleasurable tingles run through her body and magically drew her closer to him. A feeling of warmth, safety, and belonging.

Yeah, all right, now you’re imagining things!

But there was a special bond between them, wasn’t there? She knew she was closer to him than she’d ever felt to anyone else before. What she didn’t know was whether this feeling was mutual.

What did it matter?! She was taken. She shouldn’t think about whether or not another man could be interested in her beyond the friendship they shared.

“Do you think he’ll come back?� she finally asked to break the silence. She needed to focus on something other than Derek Morgan. She needed to focus on the Unsub to catch him.

“I don’t know,� Derek replied. “But apparently Hotch thinks it’s possible. It’s better to leave.�

Penelope just nodded, but she wasn’t sure it was really better. Would it help at all? Was she really safer in another hotel, or would he find her there, too?

“We’ll keep our eyes glued to you,� she heard Derek say. “You’ll see; we’ll catch this guy in no time at all.�

“I know, I’m safe.� She needed to reassure herself.
From the corner of her eye, she saw Derek run a hand over his face and immediately cursed herself for saying the words out loud. She hadn’t meant to blame him for making her feel safe when she wasn’t. She had wanted to feel safe.

Derek assured her that they would never underestimate the Unsub again, that they would be prepared next time.

Drawing in a shaky breath, Penelope whispered, “Can we?�

Derek took her hands in his, making the butterflies rise in her stomach again, and then he made her look at him again. “Yes, we’ll be prepared.�

She nodded, shifting uncomfortably. He was too close to her, and the soft touch of his hand made her wish he would pull her into another embrace. She felt so much better when he held her. When she could inhale his scent, so masculine and strong…

“Maybe we shouldn’t move to another hotel,� she said, basically to keep her mind busy when it was once again going a way it should be going. “I’m just saying. The fact that he tried to get to me could help us, don’t you think?�

Derek stared at her, but didn’t answer. As a matter of fact, he had that look in his eyes again. The look he always had when he looked at her but didn’t seem to really see nor hear her. At least, he never reacted to whatever she was saying, as if he wasn’t listening at all.

“Derek?� she asked carefully.

His eyes darkened, and he licked his lips, making a shiver run down Penelope’s spine. What the hell was wrong with him? And what was wrong with her?! Neither of them was acting normal anymore.

“Derek?� she asked again, louder this time.

He made a sound that was somewhere between a sound of surprise and of disappointment.

She couldn’t help but frown at him. “Did you actually listen to me?� she asked, trying to not make her voice sound too annoyed.

She saw him shake his head, as if he needed a moment to clear his mind from whatever thoughts had kept it busy. “Sorry, I was… thinking…� he mumbled.

“You do that a lot lately,� Penelope replied, before she could keep the words from coming out of her mouth.

“Huh?� was all she got as an answer.

What? Hadn’t he been listening again? This was really starting to get frustrating! Besides, this totally wasn’t like Derek. He’d never talked to her without listening before.

“Are you okay?� she asked him, worry growing inside her.

“Yeah, it’s just…� he started, but refused to finish the sentence.

“Is just what?� she pressed him. What? Now he wasn’t talking to her about what was going on anymore? What the hell was wrong here?

He hadn’t noticed how she was drooling over him whenever she thought no one noticed, or what she was feeling whenever he came close enough for her to smell him, had he?

“I…� Once again, he didn’t seem to be sure how to finish. “It’s the heat,� he finally told her. “And the fact that this Unsub always seems to be one step ahead of us. I can’t really concentrate on anything. I’m worried, exhausted, and frustrated.�

“Yeah, me, too.� Not to mention that I’m overly hot for you. “And scared.�

Derek assured her again that she was safe, that nothing was going to happen to her, and that the Unsub wouldn’t get a second chance to get to her.

She knew he was telling her the truth. She knew all her friends would make sure that she was safe. But somewhere deep inside, a voice told her that there were so many ways to take them by surprise…

“I know,� she said, basically to try and convince herself. The fact that Hotch thought it was necessary to move to another hotel scared her. He wouldn’t do that if he didn’t think it was necessary, would he?

Penelope didn’t even realize she had said the words out loud, until Derek assured her that Hotch was just following protocol, that he didn’t want to take an unnecessary risk.

She shivered again. “Why do things like this always happen to me?�

“I don’t know,� Derek replied in a low voice, and – just a second later – pulled her into a tight embrace. Finally.

She relaxed the moment she felt his strong arms coming around her, pulling her close against his muscular chest. She was safe. Nothing and no one could ever hurt her there.

A knock on the door interrupted the moment, and Penelope could hardly suppress a sound of complaint when Derek let go of her to get up and answer the door.

“We’re ready to leave,� she heard Hotch say, and sighed.

Only a second later, Derek came back to grab both his and Penelope’s suitcases.

“I can carry that on my own,� she told him as she watched him heading for the door. “I’m all grown up.�

“I know,� Derek said, grinning at her, and very courteously, waited by the door to let her walk through first. “But I can’t help being a gentleman.�

She tried hard not to blush. It never failed to make her feel flattered and special when he treated her like that. “Why do I get the impression that you’re babying me?� she teased, to tell herself that this was just part of their usual banter, nothing special. “You didn’t carry my suitcase up here.�

“Woman, will you hush and enjoy the fact that I’m spoiling you here?� Even though she couldn’t see it, Penelope was sure he was rolling his eyes.

She just giggled. “Does that mean you’re gonna carry my suitcase into my room in the other hotel?� she asked with mocked coyness.

“Of course I will,� he promised. “Right after I make sure the room is safe, and that there are no monsters under the bed.�

“Okay, now I feel like you’re babying me,� she replied with a theatrical sigh.

She considered asking him if he didn’t want to stay overnight, just in case, but rejected the idea. After all, he could have affirmed, just to protect her – but then he would need to be protected from her. She was sure that at the moment, there was no way she could share a room with Derek Morgan and not ravish him.

Her heart beat faster at that thought.

Don’t, Penelope! Don’t go there again!

Oh, but her heart so wasn’t listening…

Title: Heartbreak – Part 1
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #3 Love
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time. No copyright infringement is intended. The idea behind the story and the story itself – including all chapters as well as possible pre- and sequels – are mine, though.
Summary: Part 13/? of the ‘Love and prejudice’-series. Yes, the title gives away the plot of this chapter.
warnings: none

AN: I’m really getting better, right? Not at last thanks to my wonderful and wonderfully fast beta-reader Jenny.
I know, this is not where you wanted this story to go. Unfortunately, it was where my muse wanted to take it. I can’t give too much away, but you should maybe read the coming chapters before thinking about killing me for this one. ;)
Hope you’ll enjoy it nonetheless.

You know those things where you immediately know doing them will be a mistake, but you can’t help doing them, anyway? It’s like a tiny little voice in your head is telling you not to do it, but you can’t hear it – or maybe you don’t want to listen to it.

It wasn’t that he actually wanted to spill it all out. He hadn’t planned on any of this happening, it just had. Sure, that was what husbands usually told their wives after they’d cheated on them. But somehow, it felt that way to him. He couldn’t have done anything to avoid the situation he soon found himself in.

As he had promised, Derek carried Penelope’s bag into her room and made sure it was safe. The room was on the third floor; there was no balcony, no fire exit stairs – nothing the unsub could have used to try and get to her again.

Still, Penelope didn’t seem to be at ease. She was shivering, and even though she tried her best to hide it, it was obvious to Derek.

“Hey,� he said softly, gently nudging her shoulder. “You’re safe in here.�

“Yeah, I know,� Penelope replied, nodding as if she wanted to convince herself.

Sighing, Derek stepped in front of her and made her look at him. Only ten minutes ago, she had seemed like her normal bantering self, and now… Or maybe she just hid it better when the others were around. Apparently, she didn’t try and hide it from him now.

“What’s wrong, Baby Girl,� he asked carefully. “Don’t you feel safe in here?�

“I don’t know,� she whispered. “I… I felt safe in the other hotel, until… and now I just keep thinking that he might come back, and even though I know it’s very unlikely that he’ll manage to get to me a second time, I just can’t stop thinking ‘what if’.�

And then it started. It was a fraction of a second and only a small step forward, and Derek had caught her in his arms again, pulling her warm body close against his. Inhaling her scent deeply, Derek closed his eyes and gently swayed her back and forth.

He could feel her relax. She felt safe. In his arms, when he was around, Penelope felt safe.

“You know, I can stay here if you want me to.� The words had escaped his mouth before he had even realized they had been forming in his mind – and long before he could have made any effort to stop them.

Her head shot up, and she stared at him.

Derek searched her eyes with his. He was sure he could read a plea in them. A plea to stay with her and make her feel safe. Or was it just his wishful thinking?

She didn’t say anything; she just stared at him as if she wasn’t sure she had heard correctly.

“I’m just saying,� Derek said with a shrug, trying to sound nonchalantly. “If it makes you feel safe, I could stay here and make sure nobody gets in.�

Now he was sure she wanted him to stay. It was the same expression he’d seen on her face after Battle’s first attempt to kill her.

Yet, she said, “No, thank you. I really appreciate that, but I’m fine. Really.� She freed herself from his embrace and tried to turn away from him.

But Derek’s hand refused to let go of hers. He didn’t want to lose contact. He didn’t want to leave her alone – not only because he was still worried about her. He never wanted to let go of her again.

“I’m serious,� he assured her, his voice low. “I can stay here. If you want me to.�

“I… I know,� she stuttered, her eyes wandering to his hand that still clutched around hers and back to his face. “But… I… You really don’t have to.�

“I don’t consider it a duty,� he told her, still refusing to let go. “I’ll stay if you want me to.�

There was a mixture of confusion and apprehension written all over her face, but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t send him away. She didn’t tell him to stay, either, but at least she didn’t send him away immediately.

“I love you.� Once again the words escaped his mouth before he was able to stop them.

“I know,� Penelope whispered, and Derek could see her swallow. “I love you, too.�

“I mean it.� He had decided to switch off his brain completely – or maybe his brain had decided on its own, Derek wasn’t sure anymore. He just let the words flow from his lips without even trying to think about them, or about possible consequences.

“You asked me why I was acting so strange lately. It’s because of you. You’re making me go crazy whenever you’re close to me, because I love you, because I’m in love with you.� And that was the exact moment he spoiled everything.

She stared at him almost in shock, her eyes filling with tears the next second.

“I mean it,� he assured her again. “I’m serious. I’m not just saying that because of the heat, or because of this unsub, or because of any other force from outside making me say it. I’m saying that because it’s true.�

“But… why?� she whispered, tears running down her cheeks now.

Derek reached out to brush them away, but Penelope took a step backwards, away from him. He froze, realization hitting him. She wasn’t crying because she was so touched by his words. She was crying because she didn’t want him.

“Why now, Derek?� she asked, wiping away the tears by herself.

He blinked at her, not sure how to answer this question, not even sure what it was supposed to mean in the first place.

“I can’t,� she finally said. “I… I’m with Kevin, and I’m happy with him. He makes me happy. I… I can’t, Derek.�

He felt his heart go to pieces. That was exactly why he had never opened up to anyone, ever. There always was the threat of being rejected and hurt when feelings were involved.

His hand let go of hers automatically and fell back loosely at his side. “I understand,� he simply said.

“I… I’m sorry,� Penelope whispered, new tears running down her cheek.

Not as sorry as I am, for being such an idiot. “Don’t be,� he told her as he turned to leave. “I shouldn’t have said anything.�

That being said, he was gone. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he heard her call after him – or maybe once again, it was just wishful thinking. Whichever it was, he didn’t turn back. He just headed straight for his room, almost running over Hotch on his way.

“Hey, what’s going on?� the older agent demanded to know.

Derek stomped farther without even turning to him. He desperately wanted to punch something, and then hit the bottle – or the other way round. He wasn’t sure which, yet.

Back at his room, he emptied the mini bar. Unfortunately, it didn’t help one bit. Maybe because the stuff wasn’t heavy enough – or maybe because there simply wasn’t enough of it.

He chewed over the latest events, his feelings, and finally, his options. There wasn’t much he could do. He had spilled the beans, and therefore ruined their friendship, ruined what they’d had. Despite the fact that she was with someone else, they’d still been very close.

All the nights spent together after tough cases. All the hugs and little touches. All their bantering. He’d just ruined it. They couldn’t go back to that as if nothing ever happened, not now that he had told her the truth.

He’d wanted to keep his feelings secret until the time was right – if that was ever going to happen. What did he expect her to do? Dump Lynch after she’d been with him for three years now?! Just because he came along, throwing himself at her feet?!

God, he was such a fool. He’d wanted to stay in the background, be her friend, because that was his only chance of being close to her. She’d trusted him enough to let him hold her when she needed it. He’d ruined everything.

Now, he didn’t have anything anymore. She surely would never allow him to hold her again. Not just like that. Not if she knew that his feelings weren’t merely platonic. Not if she had to fear that he had ulterior motives. He could never be close to her again. Not like he used to be.

Maybe he should try and talk to her. Explain that he really understood, that he could accept the fact that she was with Kevin and would never try and interfere with their relationship again. Maybe it would help. Maybe it would repair their relationship – at least, their relationship as friends.

Yeah, how likely was that?! He would go back to her and just tell her he would back off, and she would throw herself into his arms because she still wanted him to protect her? Very likely. Hell certainly would freeze over sooner than they would be able to talk to each other again – let alone go back to being best friends.

Why on earth did he have to tell her in the first place? Normally, he knew well enough when it was the time to just shut the fuck up. But this time…

Sighing, Derek fished his phone out of his pocket. He needed to talk to someone before he made his decision.

Staring at the number, he reconsidered his plan. There was only one thing he could do, anyway. He needed to have a serious talk.

So he went back, knocked at the door, took a deep breath when it opened, and said, “There’s something I need to talk to you about.�

Title: Heartbreak – Part 2
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #4 Hate
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 14/? of the ‘Love and prejudice’-series. Penelope’s POV.
warnings: none

AN: Hey, it’s me again. After some crazy days, I finally find the time to post what my wonderful beta-reader finished betaing a long time ago. LOL Anyway, here finally is Penelope’s POV. Don’t expect too much, though, the end is still the same.

Oh, well, maybe I put a little twist in it… *evil grin*

Hope you enjoy it!

Penelope felt herself looking worried – almost scared – at all the people in the entrance hall of the new hotel. She hated feeling this way. She hated looking at people and sorting them into categories, like ‘possible UNSUB’. She wanted to keep seeing the good in everything and everyone, as Derek had put it.

She sighed at the remembrance of that. He knew her so well. He even knew what she wanted and needed to hear to make her feel better.

Smiling, she followed him up the stairs and into her new room.

He kept his promise of carrying her bag and making sure the room was safe. Yet, she couldn’t stop the shiver from running down her spine, as she watched him check the room. If this UNSUB hadn’t tried to get to her, he wouldn’t have to do this now.

She felt him nudging her shoulder, and heard him reassure her that she was safe now.

“Yeah, I know,� she replied automatically, desperately trying to stop shivering. If only she could actually believe it.

Suddenly, he was standing in front of her again, dangerously close. She could smell him, and all she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms and plead him to make her feel safe.

“What’s wrong, Baby Girl?� she heard him ask. “Don’t you feel safe in here?�

I’d feel much safer if you just stayed here. “I don’t know,� she replied, instead of saying what really was on her mind. “I… I felt safe in the other hotel, until… and now I just keep thinking that he might come back, and even though I know it’s very unlikely that he’ll manage to get to me a second time, I just can’t stop thinking ‘what if’.�

She resisted the urge to beg him to stay with her, to hold her and make it all go away. She knew he could, though. He could make her feel so much better, so much safer.

And suddenly, as if he had read her mind, Derek stepped forward and caught her in his arms. He pulled her close against him, closer than certainly was appropriate for mere friends, but she didn’t care. She just wanted this to happen.

Closing her eyes, she inhaled his scent. He was strong and brave, and she knew he would protect her, no matter what. As a matter of fact, he was the only man she’d ever felt entirely safe with, no matter what was going on.

She relaxed almost immediately, the fear and tension melting under his touch, in his arms. If only he would stay and make her feel safe for the rest of the night. If only she dared to ask. If only there weren’t so many reasons why she definitely shouldn’t ask.

“You know, I can stay here if you want me to.� His voice was strong, deep.

Her head shot up. Was she hard of hearing? Had he really just offered to stay here – for the night?! She knew she shouldn’t accept this. It was inconvenient – terribly inconvenient. But oh, how she wanted him to stay and hold her forever.

She hated the fact that he still had such an effect on her. He just needed to snap his fingers, and she was immediately at his feet.

Of course, she knew that he was just offering this because he was worried about her, and because he could sense that she was, too. Just as back then, at her apartment, when he’d wanted to make sure Battle didn’t get a second chance.

“I’m just saying.� His eyes were still searching hers for an answer. “If it makes you feel safe, I could stay here and make sure nobody gets in.�

Yes! Yes, she wanted him to stay. She wanted him to make her feel safe. But she knew she shouldn’t – couldn’t – accept this. So she blew him off, telling him how much she appreciated the offer, but assuring him that she was fine, which she absolutely wasn’t.

She freed herself from his embrace, because she knew that if he held her any longer, she would change her mind and beg him to stay – and then she wouldn’t have been able to give a guarantee for anything anymore. Not that she thought he would even think about taking advantage of any kind of her. She, on the other hand…

So she had to turn away from him, lose the contact her whole body and soul were longing for. She headed for the bathroom, basically to have a reason to turn away from him.

She was stopped when she realized that his hand had refused to let go of hers. Slowly, Penelope turned back towards him, giving him a quizzical look. What was that supposed to mean? What was he up to?

He had that look in his eyes again, and it made her shiver. Why was his hand still holding hers? Why didn’t he let go of her? Not that she really wanted to lose contact, given the fact that his touch was sending so much warmth through her body.

“I’m serious,� he said, and Penelope’s heart started to beat faster. This wasn’t going to end well. Whatever he was about to say, she was sure she didn’t want to hear it – or maybe she wanted to hear it too badly.

“I can stay here. If you want me to.� Why did he keep saying that? Did he know that she indeed wanted him to?

Of course he knew. He was a profiler, after all. But he also knew that she couldn’t make him stay, not when she was with someone else. So she tried once more to convince him that he really didn’t have to stay.

He didn’t seem to be giving up that easily, though. “I don’t consider it a duty,� he insisted. “I’ll stay if you want me to.�

Penelope didn’t know what to reply to that. Of course she wanted him to. And of course she had to send him away. She couldn’t, though. The words simply refused to leave her mouth, and there was no way of making them get out.

“I love you,� he told her.

The butterflies started to rise in her stomach again, just like they had the first time he’d said those words to her, back at her apartment. But he surely didn’t mean them the way she wanted him to mean them.

“I know,� she managed to whisper, and swallowed hard. “I love you, too.�

“I mean it,� he said.

Why did he have to torture her like that?

“You asked me why I was acting so strange lately. It’s because of you. You’re making me go crazy whenever you’re close to me, because I love you – because I’m in love with you.�

Penelope felt tears springing to her eyes. For years, she’d longed for him to say something like that to her. He’d never said it, though, not until now.

And now, she had to turn him down. She was with someone else, and Derek – as much as she loved him – was a player, a womanizer. He wasn’t good at keeping relationships, and Penelope knew that she would never survive it if this didn’t work.

Her relationship with Kevin worked, though, and she really liked him. Of course, she didn’t love him as much as she loved Derek, but there was no way she was ever going to love someone that much again.

Besides, if this relationship didn’t work, she knew she would be able to move on. It wasn’t that she wouldn’t care; she would, and it would hurt to lose Kevin. But she would survive it.

Once again, he assured her that he meant it, that he wasn’t just saying all this because of the heat, or the unsub, or anything else making him say it.

“But… why?� she finally managed to say. Surprisingly, she didn’t just break down, sobbing uncontrollably, because that was exactly what she felt like doing at the moment. She so desperately wanted to just throw herself into his arms and believe whatever he promised her. But she knew he couldn’t keep that promise. None of his relationships had worked so far. Why would it be any different with her?

Not to mention that she couldn’t, didn’t want to, hurt Kevin. Especially not like this.

The way things had been until now, she and Derek could at least be close to each other, as friends – even though she would never stop longing for more.

However, when he reached out to touch her, she took a step backwards. It wasn’t because she didn’t want him to touch her. Oh, how she wanted him to! But she knew that if he touched her now – apart from his hand that was still holding hers – she would forget about her boyfriend, and about everything she knew that was speaking against giving in to Derek. She just wanted him too much.

She could see his heart breaking, and felt the pain in her chest, as if someone had stabbed a knife right into her heart and was now twisting it, over and over again. Only then did she realize that she was crying.

“Why now, Derek?� she whispered, wiping the tears from her face. She had to tell him the truth. No, she had to tell him what was right to tell him now. That was something different.

The truth was that she wanted him, wanted to be with him. But she had to tell him that she was with Kevin, that she was happy with him, and that she wouldn’t leave him. She didn’t know how she managed to actually say the words out loud, but she did. And she saw the hurt on Derek’s face, even though he tried his best to hide it from her.

“I understand,� was all he said, his hand letting go of hers.

She wanted to cry out when she lost contact with him, but she managed to keep herself from doing so. Every cell in her body was longing for regaining the feeling of warmth and safety only he could provide.

“I’m sorry,� she heard herself whisper, and it sounded poor and unfair.

“Don’t be,� he said, his voice cold and unusually rough. “I shouldn’t have said anything.�

That being said, he left her room, and Penelope couldn’t stand it any longer. She hurried after him, calling out his name in an attempt to stop him. If he had turned around, she’d have thrown herself into his arms and sobbed that everything she had said was a lie, that all she ever wanted was to be with him.

He didn’t turn around, though. It was over. She’d had her chance, and she’d let it pass.

Closing the door behind her, she sank against it and started to sob.

About ten minutes later, there was a knock on the door. She practically ripped it open, and had to try hard not to show the other man her disappointment. She’d hoped it would be someone else.

“Sir,� she said, stepping aside. “Is… something wrong?�

“No,� he replied, closing the door behind him. He certainly could tell that she’d been crying, but Penelope didn’t care, and he didn’t address the matter. “I just… wanted to ask you something, about Derek.�

“What about him?� she asked, trying to sound as neutral as possible.

“Did you know that he was thinking about leaving the unit?� Hotch questioned.

“What?� Penelope burst out. This was all her fault. She hadn’t only lost him as a friend, or a potential lover. He wanted to leave her, leave the unit because of her. She’d lost him for good.

“He asked to be transferred to California once this case is over,� Hotch informed her.

California. As far away from her as possible. Penelope sank on her couch and started to sob again.

Title: Torpor – Part 1
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #5 Black
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 15/? of the ‘Love and prejudice’-series.
warnings: none

AN: Here we go again. I know, it’s definitely not the update you expected, but what can I say?! You know, I love a lot of drama in my stories – and if I can add some angst to it, all the better. *evil grin*
Sorry for the little delay, I just didn’t find the time to post this, after my wonderful beta-reader was so fast again. Sometimes life just keeps getting in the way. LOL Does anyone happen to want to help me with the bunch of term papers I have to go through? No? Yeah, I didn’t think so. ;) Anyway, I’ll still keep trying to update soon – or at least regularly. LOL
But now, enjoy this chapter.

Fortunately, he managed to avoid her for the next couple of days. He’d heard about her reaction to him leaving the unit. At least she still seemed to care about him. Maybe she hadn’t meant what she had said. Maybe she just hadn’t wanted to hurt Lynch.

What did it matter? She had said what she’d said – and he was going to leave the unit, run away from her. He knew he couldn’t keep working with her. Not after everything that had happened – or hadn’t happened – between them. He needed to forget about her, get over her, and move on.
He also knew that if he saw her only once more before he left, he would surely change his mind and stay.

So he did his best to avoid her. Unfortunately, not having her around anymore, not talking to her, hearing her voice bantering with him, made him even more grumpy than he already was about the fact that she’d rejected him.

So soon, everyone else was avoiding him.

He didn’t really care, though. Basically, he wanted to be alone, to be able to wallow in self-pity. He wasn’t actually the type who did this. Normally, he moved on, looking for another woman. But this time, everything was different. He knew he would never find a woman like Penelope again.

Wasn’t it ironic that the only woman he’d actually ever truly loved didn’t want him? Let’s hear it for the irony of life!

When he got the call that they had finally found a lead, Derek was on the road doing nothing in particular – except for avoiding his… Penelope. She wasn’t his Baby Girl anymore, wouldn’t be ever again, so he shouldn’t think that way about her.

They had found some fingerprints on the window to Penelope’s room in the other hotel, but once again, they’d led nowhere. Then Penelope had, had the idea of taking another look at the unsub’s computer, at the software he’d used to take the picture of her.
She finally was able to track down where the picture had been sent to. So only three days later, she was able to give them an address.

Derek heard her voice over the radio in his SUV, and his hands clutched tighter around the steering wheel. God, it felt so good to hear her voice again. Did he really want to do without hearing her voice for the rest of his life? Could he?

He had to. He knew he had to step out of the picture. It was better this way. Better for him, and most definitely better for Penelope – maybe even better for the unit, considering the fact that they weren’t able to work together anymore. If he couldn’t even call her to ask for information, thinking about staying was pointless.

He pulled the SUV onto a narrow street leading into a small forested area. He could see the small hut. Taking the radio, he pressed the small button. “It’s Morgan. I arrived at the house. Looks empty.�

“Stay where you are and wait for backup!� Hotch almost barked his order into the radio. “We’ll be there in three minutes.�

“Wait, I see a car. Yellow Lincoln MKS,� he reported. “How can this guy afford that?�

“Apparently, he earned quite a bit of money every time someone downloaded his videos,� Hotch replied.

“It’s a crazy world we’re living in,� Derek heard Rossi comment somewhere in the background.

“There’s a guy getting out of the car now and heading for the hut with something that looks like a bag of groceries.� Derek frowned. “Are you sure this is the right place?�

“According to Garcia, it is,� Hotch told him. “Can you see Marjory Dearing anywhere?�

“No,� Derek replied, sighing. “The hut is too far away, but if I get any closer, he might see the SUV. Maybe I should try and take a look through one of the windows.�

“Negative,� Hotch said quickly. “You’ll wait for the backup to arrive. That’s an order.�

Derek didn’t answer. There was nothing in the world he hated more than having to sit around not doing anything – especially when someone was in danger. He was a man of action, not someone who sat around, waiting for backup.

Besides, he still had to settle an outstanding score with this guy for scaring and threatening Penelope. She might not want him, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t allowed to take revenge for her, did it?

“Morgan, do you hear me?� Hotch shouted into the radio.

“I heard you,� he answered with a sigh. “Still, I think I should at least make sure Marjory is all right in there. He might kill while I’m sitting here waiting for you.�

“He might kill you if you don’t,� Hotch reminded him.

Sighing, Derek took a look at his watch. Three minutes, Hotch had said. Three minutes was way too long. He was losing precious time – time Marjory might not have.

Finally, he decided that it couldn’t hurt to sneak up to the hut a little. The forest was pretty dense, so there was a good chance he could pass unnoticed. He just couldn’t sit here and wait while a woman was about to get killed.

Carefully, Derek got out of his SUV, ducking behind the next best tree. His vest was clearly identifying him as an FBI agent, so he decided to pull over a black jacket, just in case someone saw him.

Slowly, quietly, carefully, much like a lion approaching his prey, Derek tiptoed closer to the hut. Unfortunately, the windows were small, and he needed to get really close to take a look inside.

He chose the back side of the hut. Suddenly, he heard cars arriving somewhere far behind him – at least two of them, which were probably the backup. He was still some hundred feet away from the hut, but still, there was the possibility that the unsub might have heard the cars, as well. Derek should warn the team.

He turned around, but through the dense forest, it was impossible to see anything or anyone. The only chance to be seen by his team was to step back onto the road. But that also meant he could be seen by anyone inside the hut, so that was not an option.

He couldn’t use the radio, either. Anyone inside the hut might hear it. That was why he had switched it off.

So he crept forward towards the hut. It was too late to turn around and head back to the team. First, he needed to make sure that Marjory Dearing was inside the hut and all right, to let the rest of the team know what there options were.

While he moved farther forward, he heard another car arrive. It was pointless to turn around, but Derek couldn’t help but wonder why there were more cars coming. Did it really look that bad? Where they dealing with more than one unsub?

No, that simply didn’t fit the profile. They’d profiled him as a single killer, much too sure of himself to work with an accomplice. But maybe they’d been wrong about that. It had happened before that their first profile wasn’t entirely matching.

Maybe he really should head back to the team. This could indeed be too dangerous, especially if there was more than just one unsub to worry about. Was he armed? And if so, how? He killed his victims with a knife. How likely was it that he also had a gun?

From where he was standing now, Derek could almost look into the windows of the hut. But it was impossible to see anything through the opaque glass.

Suddenly, a door Derek hadn’t even noticed being there flew open, and he found himself staring into the muzzle of a rifle. A rifle? Seriously? Who the hell was this guy?! They surely had been heading for the wrong address.

It all happened in slow motion. Derek raised his gun and shot, and so did the unsub. The shots echoed through the forest as deafening bangs, and Derek felt something hitting his chest, on the left side, right under his heart. He thought he heard someone screaming, but wasn’t sure.

The force of the impact threw him backwards, and he landed flat on the ground. Suddenly, all he could see was the canopy above his head. For a few moments, the pain rushing through his body took his breath away, and Derek choked. Had he hit the unsub? Was he dead?

He wanted to get up, but felt his body wouldn’t listen to him. He felt strange. He knew it hurt when the bullet hit the vest, but this was different. The pain seemed much more intense, and he felt something warm spreading over his stomach from where the bullet had hit him.

Had he actually been shot? No, it couldn’t be. The vest was there to protect him, and the guy had shot at the vest, not at him – not at any uncovered part of him, anyway. There was no way he was badly hurt. Just a bruise where the bullet had hit the vest, as usual.

But why couldn’t he move? And why was he starting to feel so cold? Why was it so hard to breathe? Maybe the force of the impact had broken one or two of his ribs. He’d heard about that happening from time to time.

He’d had broken ribs before, though, and it had never felt like this. Something was wrong. Where was the unsub? Where was his team? They must have heard the shooting. Shouldn’t they be here by now?

Suddenly, he heard voices coming closer, speaking sporadically, some almost yelling. Derek couldn’t understand what they were saying, though. It was like his head was wrapped in a huge amount of cotton, so all the voices were muffled.

And then he saw her, beautiful like an angel. His Baby Girl was leaning over him, pressing her hands against his chest.

Why would she do that? Wait, was she actually crying?! His vision was blurred, so he wasn’t entirely sure. But he could see fear written all over her face, or rather… panic. Yeah, she looked like she was about to panic… because of him?

Something was definitely wrong here.

Why was she here in the first place? She never went with them in the field. He was certainly dreaming. This had to be a dream; none of this made any sense. It felt pretty real, though.

Derek slowly opened his mouth in an attempt to ask what was going on, but he couldn’t get a single sound out. Instead, he noticed a metallic taste in his mouth. This wasn’t good. He had actually been shot; he was bleeding – and apparently it was so bad that he was actually coughing up blood.

But how was that possible? He’d worn the vest.
He felt an invisible power drawing him into the darkness. He tried to remain conscious, but it was getting harder, even if he had Penelope to focus on.

She said something to him, but he couldn’t quite understand it.

He tried his best to tell her once more that he loved her, but he wasn’t sure the words had really left his mouth. Then, everything around him went black.

Title: Torpor – Part 2
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #1 Bitter
Rating: T (just to be sure)
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 16/? of the “Love and prejudice�-series. Penelope’s point of view.
Warnings: a little angst and sadness towards the end

AN: Hey there, I know you’ve all been waiting patiently for this update. Thanks for hanging in there and not yelling at me for not updating sooner (or maybe some of you did, but not loud enough for me to hear them ;) ).
Anyway, here it is, finally. I was pretty busy and this time, my beta-reader was as well. But she was so wonderful to beta-read this nonetheless, so thanks so much again!
Now, I hope you enjoy this chapter – despite the fact that you already know it’s not going to end well. ;)
Take care!

After everything that had happened lately, there was only one thing left Penelope felt sure of, and that was her work. So she plunged into it like she’d only done very few times before.

Fortunately, it soon seemed to come to fruition.
She had taken another look at the picture the UNSUB had sent them with the threat, and she had started wondering what software he might have used to take the picture while she’d been working on the computer.

Also, the picture had to have been sent to the UNSUB somehow, because the computer had barely been out of their sights since they’d found it and taken it with them.

She couldn’t really concentrate, though. Her mind kept wandering back to that fateful evening when Derek had confessed to his feelings for her, and she’d been stupid enough to blow him off, out of fear and worry that it might not work – and to avoid hurting Kevin. Or maybe it had just been because she feared the confrontation with him. She wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

And the only reaction from Derek had been to ask for a transfer as far away from her as possible. She still couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to see her anymore, didn’t want to work with her, or even talk to her anymore, never again. Was it just her, or did that seem a bit… exaggerated?!

Penelope couldn’t help but wonder what that meant. He was hurt, she had seen it, and she understood. But the way he was acting seemed way over the top. He was completely avoiding her. She’d tried at least twenty times to call him, but he wouldn’t pick up – and she hadn’t seen him since he’d walked out of her room.

Was it really only the fact that she’d blown him off? Because no one blew off Derek Morgan? Or did it mean that his feelings were really so profound that she had actually broken his heart?

Was he really serious? Was she more to him than any of his usual flings? Could it really work? Was all that even possible?

Penelope sighed. She’d asked herself these questions about a million times already – but the only answer she had for sure was that none of it really mattered anymore. There was no turning back, no second chance for them.

So Penelope tried to focus on her work, because that was the only thing she had left. She missed hearing his voice, his encouragement whenever she was stuck. She missed seeing his face, his handsome smile. She missed his scent… She just missed him.

Well, she had to encourage herself now. And so she did. She was sure the picture of her had been sent to the UNSUB from his computer. So she went back searching all the transmission protocols of any program she could find. Mostly, these were automatic updates for primary installed programs. Nothing out of the ordinary.

One of the updates, however, caught her attention. At first glance, it merely seemed to be an update for the pre-installed webcam. But Penelope noticed that the amount of submitted data was too much for a simple update – and indeed, after working some magic, she revealed the picture of her the UNSUB had sent as a threat.

“Gotcha,� she mumbled.

All she needed to do now was try to find out where exactly the picture had been sent. And this turned out to be much easier than she’d imagined. Apparently, the UNSUB had invented the program for this webcam himself – and he was making quite some money with it.

“Seems like there’re just too many peepers out there,� she mumbled to herself, just as a driver’s license popped up on her screen.

She froze for a moment, before she gasped, “I got him.�

Quickly dialing the number, Penelope impatiently tapped her pencil on the table.

“Hotchner,� she heard the familiar voice say in answer.

“I got a name and address,� she told him. “Peter Sherman. He owns a small house – more like a hut – a little outside Marana. It’s pretty secluded, in a small forested area. I suppose it’s a perfect place for someone like him. Sending you the coordinates now.�

“Thanks, Garcia. Great job,� Hotch praised her, before hanging up.

He hardly ever did that, so he had to know she’d needed the approval right now.

Penelope took a deep breath. Normally, she felt relieved when a case was over. This time, she was apprehensive. Derek would leave after this case – if she couldn’t convince him to stay, that is. But apparently, he didn’t even want to listen to her.

And there was something else. It was just a feeling inside her gut, a feeling that something was going to go terribly wrong.

Maybe it was this feeling that made her dig farther into the UNSUB’s life. Where did he go most of the time, for dinner, for lunch, for shopping? What did he buy regularly? What was the last thing he’d bought?

Suddenly, her fingers froze in the middle of their movement. Her eyes widened as she read what had been delivered to Mr. Sherman only a few days ago. That couldn’t be true…

Her hands were shaking as she dialed the number, but all she got was a woman’s voice saying that the caller was temporarily unavailable.

Cursing, she dialed Reid’s number and got the same respond. Rossi, Emily… Not even Derek was available. They had to be in a dead zone.

She quickly jumped up and rushed outside to one of the SUVs. She didn’t like driving these vehicles, and usually she didn’t do it. But she had to do what was necessary.

Somehow, Penelope managed to put the emergency lights on the roof and get them working, without the siren, of course. Breaking almost every traffic regulation she could think of, she managed to arrive near the UNSUB’s hut in less than five minutes. Sighing with relief when she saw the team still gathered around their SUVs, she got out.

“Garcia? What are you doing here?� Hotch demanded, his voice stern.

“I’m sorry, sir, but apparently you’re in a dead zone, so I couldn’t reach you,� she hurried to explain. “I found out something really important, and I figured I needed to come here and tell you directly.�

Frowning at her, Hotch asked, “What would that be?�

“Mr. Sherman ordered a special kind of ammo only a few days ago,� she told him. “Rifle ammunition.�

“What’s so special about the ammo?� This time, it was Rossi asking the question.

Penelope took a deep breath. “Armor piercing bullets,� she said. “The bulletproof vests are pretty much useless.�

Hotch clenched his teeth.

Looking around and just seeing another empty SUV, Penelope asked quietly, “Where’s Derek?�

“We don’t know,� Hotch replied through gritted teeth. “When we arrived, we found his car empty. I told him to wait for backup, but apparently, he decided to…�

He was interrupted by two simultaneous gunshots disrupting the silence.

It took a few seconds before Penelope realized what must have happened. Derek didn’t know about the armor piercing bullets, and if the UNSUB had shot at him... Oh, my God! Please, no! She didn’t even realize she’d screamed the words out loud.

She needed to get to him, as fast as she could. But Hotch kept her from running into the forest, towards the UNSUB’s hut. She desperately tried to break free from his grip. She needed to get to Derek.

“Penelope, calm down!� Hotch’s stern voice slowly came through to her.

“Derek,� was all she got out, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I know,� Hotch said, unusually softly. “But we have to be careful.�

Nodding, she followed him, all the way, trying not to forget about any caution and just run to him. He was hurt. She knew he was.

The road was endless. It seemed like an eternity until they finally arrived at the hut. And when they slowly walked to the back of it, Hotch had to keep her from collapsing. Derek was lying on his back, on the ground, not moving. Blood seeped from a wound in his chest.

She wanted to scream, but couldn’t get anything out. Rushing over to Derek, Penelope pressed both her hands on the wound as hard as she could. “Where are the medics?� she sniffled.

He was conscious, or at least he wasn’t entirely unconscious. He was looking at her, obviously not believing what had just happened – or maybe he hadn’t really realized it. She remembered what it had felt like to be shot. Drifting in and out of consciousness…

“Derek, baby?� she whispered. “You have to stay with me, you hear me? Just stay with me, okay?�

He opened his mouth, obviously trying to say something, but nothing came out except for a small amount of blood running over his cheek.

The tears were running uncontrollably over Penelope’s face. This was all her fault. If she hadn’t rejected him, he wouldn’t have tried to avoid her. If he hadn’t tried to avoid her, he wouldn’t have been out here on his own. And if he hadn’t been out here on his own…

“Baby, I’m so sorry,� Penelope whispered, leaning down, closer to Derek, her hands still pressing on the wound on his chest. “I… I lied. What I said wasn’t true. I love you, do you hear me?�

She didn’t get a response. Derek’s eyes rolled back in his head as he lost consciousness.

“No,� Penelope yelled at him. “Don’t leave me! Derek, come on! Stay with me!�

But she didn’t get a response.

Only a second later, she felt two strong arms pulling her away from him. She tried to fight them, didn’t want to let go of Derek, not even for the paramedics.

Eventually, she gave in. Watching the paramedics do their job, hurrying to get Derek into the ambulance, adding IV after IV, trying to compensate the blood loss and stabilize his condition… all she could do was sob.

This was all her fault. He was hurt – badly hurt – because of her. Penelope knew that if he didn’t survive, she wouldn’t want to go on living, either.

Title: Fighting – Part 1
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Prompt for 30 forbidden fruits: #6 White
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 17/? of the ‘Love and prejudice’-series.
warnings: none

AN: Okay, I’m still trying to get better. :) And I’m still writing. So don’t worry, eventually, there will be updates on everything I started – and I’m not giving up hope that eventually I’ll be able to finish all the stories I started.
For the time being, my life is okay. At least, it doesn’t seem so messed up anymore. Or maybe that’s just because I’m on holiday right now, getting a break from all this. LOL
Now, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It might raise a few questions, but they will be answered later, I promise.

He felt like someone was sitting on his chest, making it almost impossible to breathe. He knew he had seen his Baby Girl, he had felt her, smelled her unique scent… But now, she was gone, and he knew he needed her now more than ever.

He felt hands grabbing him, pulling at him, pushing him. He wanted to fight them, but he wasn’t able to move even a single finger. Had they tied him to the bed? Why on earth would they do that? And who were they in the first place?

He remembered that the UNSUB had shot him. He remembered the feeling that someone had punched him in the stomach. He remembered his Baby Girl leaning over him, and then darkness.

Where was she now? Why wasn’t she with him anymore? And where was he?

Was he dead? Was that what it felt like to die? He’d always thought there was a white light and nothing but happiness. He’d imagined seeing his father again – and he had imagined it to be far in the future, and not so early in his life.

If this really was the end, he was glad that he had at least had the guts to tell Penelope how he really felt about her. Even though she had declined, he would have always regretted it if he had never told her.

Somewhere far away, he heard muffled voices, but was unable to understand what they were saying. Were they calling him? Were they talking to him? He couldn’t even tell if the voices were male or female.
He would regret never being able to see her smile, though, or hear her voice, her laughter. Asking for his transfer to another unit had been a bad idea. But that didn’t matter anymore, did it?

The room around him – was he even in a room? – turned white, and then black again. He was probably slipping in and out of consciousness. Penelope had told him about such an experience after she had been shot.

Why on earth had the guy being able to shoot him at all? He had worn the vest; and the bullet had hit the vest, he was sure about that. Or maybe it had gone right through the vest. Armor piercing bullets would explain a lot.

Damn, he should have waited for backup! Hotch had told him to wait. He would surely turn up the heat on Derek if he survived this. If.

He heard the muffled voices again, and the room covered in white again, a bright light blinding him. Was he drifting back to consciousness? That meant he wasn’t dead, right?

He wasn’t going to die, not now, not here, not today. He wanted to see his Baby Girl again, wanted to tell her again how much she meant to him – and that he understood if she couldn’t be with him and wouldn’t leave Kevin.

He would understand, and he would try his best to be her friend, whenever she needed him. She was still his best friend, after all. Why should there be no way to go back to that? He would ask Hotch to cancel his transfer, and he would talk to Penelope.

No, he wasn’t going to die today. There was so much he hadn’t done yet and still wanted to do. He needed to tell his mom and sisters how much they meant to him, how grateful he was to be a part of the Morgan family. And he needed to make up with his Baby Girl. She was his God-given solace, and he wanted things to stay that way.

He tried to speak, but wasn’t able to. Something was plugging his mouth. It was almost certainly a tube providing him with oxygen. Wasn’t he able to breathe on his own anymore? Well, not if he was in surgery.
If he was, why hadn’t they sedated him? Had there been no time for that? Was his condition so critical that they didn’t take the time? Or didn’t they think it was necessary? He wasn’t a doctor, but maybe, if the injury was bad enough, they didn’t need to sedate someone, because they would be unconscious most of the time anyway.

He didn’t feel any pain, so maybe he was sedated, and whatever he thought he was experiencing was just him dreaming because of the sedative. But where had the voices he’d heard come from?
If he wasn’t dying, and wasn’t conscious, either, what was going on here?

For some reason, he had always thought that in a moment like this, his whole life would pass before his eyes. But all he could really think of, really focus on, was Penelope. The only moments he was reliving were the moments he’d spent with her.

How much he would miss her, miss hearing her voice calling him pet names, miss hearing her laughter…

How much he would regret that he had never introduced her to his family. They would have loved her, he was sure of that.

He couldn’t just leave her like that, not if so many things were left unsaid or undone. He had to survive, for her.

Would she mourn over his death? She surely would. He remembered how upset she’d been when she’d thought he had been killed in an explosion – twice. How she had thrown herself into his arms the moment they’d met again – relieved to see him alive and telling him not to ever do that to her again.

He had done it again, though. He needed to survive to tell her that he had never meant to hurt her – to apologize and to soothe her and make it all better… if she still let him.

He remembered how he had felt after his Baby Girl had been shot, when he had to see her go through so much pain. He had felt helpless, and had cursed himself for not being there when Battle had attacked her. He had been beside himself with anger, and crazed with fear of losing her.

Would she feel the same now that he was the one in surgery? She shouldn’t have to go through this, feeling what he had felt, maybe even blaming herself for it. He needed to survive, if only to tell her that this wasn’t her fault.

He felt an invisible power pulling him back into darkness, but this time, he fought it as hard as he could. He wouldn’t leave his Baby Girl just like that. And yes, she was still his Baby Girl, whether she had rejected him or not, whether she wanted to be his Baby Girl or not. That was what she was and always would be.

She was his rock, his God-given solace, and he wouldn’t give up on her without a fight. If she was right and everything happened for a reason, what on earth was the reason for all that?!

If he hadn’t lost his father so early, he would never have met Buford. If he had never met Buford, he wouldn’t have joined the police, and then the BAU to fight people like him. If he had never joined the BAU, he would never have met Penelope and fallen in love with her. The only woman he’d ever truly loved. The only woman who’d ever rejected him.

If he’d had to go through the abuse as a teenager just to meet her, why was God taking all that away from him now? Why did he let Penelope fall in love with someone else?

Because you never made a move on her, he heard a voice say in his head. She needed to move on. She deserves to be happy. He’d had so many chances to tell her how he really felt about her, but he’d never dared. He had learned not to trust people – especially not those he loved – because it was possible that they would hurt him in the cruelest of ways.

He had always trusted her, though apparently not enough to act on his feelings. And now it was too late. There was no turning back.

But did that mean that he had to leave her? Okay, he had wanted to leave the unit, but this was a bit overdone. There was no way to ever see her again – and he knew he couldn’t handle that. Leaving the unit had really been a bad idea. He couldn’t live without her.

Was that the reason for all this? To make him realize that he couldn’t live without her? Hadn’t there been an easier way to achieve that, something less painful?

Okay, he certainly deserved it for everything he had done wrong in his life. Was that the reason? To make him aware of what he had done to her?

“Okay,� he thought, hoping God heard him. “I got your point.� He would apologize to his Baby Girl for hurting her so much, for telling her how he felt about her, even though he knew she was with someone else.

He would tell her that he accepted her decision, that he would never address the matter again, but that he hoped they could still be friends. He would tell her that he couldn’t imagine a single day without her and that he wouldn’t leave the unit.

He would tell her that he wanted her to be happy, and then he would let her go. He had missed his chance, and he knew that. Now, he had to live with it, and he would. He would leave her alone and be grateful if she could still let him be her friend.

Once again, he heard muffled voices around him. Was he in the hospital? Was he already in surgery? The voices sounded less hectic than a few minutes before – or had it been hours? Was that a good sign?

Dying really wasn’t as impressive an experience as people used to tell others after a NDE. It meant pain, a lot of it, and even more confusion. There was no white light, no peacefulness, no long gone ancestors waiting for him. There wasn’t even the memory of his whole life passing before his eyes.

For Derek, there was only pain. Not only the physical pain from the shooting, but also the pain over the possibility of losing everything he had. And that everything was his Baby Girl. He didn’t want to leave her. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

For Derek, the near death experience was only a struggle to stay in this world. Maybe that was why there were none of the nice feelings people always described. He didn’t want them. He didn’t want to be ready to move to the other side. He didn’t want to feel happy while leaving this world. In fact, he just fucking didn’t want to leave.

He would stay. No matter how hard God tried to keep him away from his Baby Girl, he would stay with her. He wouldn’t leave her. Maybe God was almighty, but even He was powerless before the force that tied him to Penelope, his Baby Girl.

Baby Girl.

He clung to the thought of her, the memory of her voice, her smile, her scent… The memory of the feeling of her body against his when he held her. He wouldn’t leave her. She was his rock, she was his anchor, and she was what would keep him here. Even God wasn’t able to break this bond between them.

Baby Girl.

The voices around him became clearer, louder. He understood a few words. Something about severe blood loss and a bullet still lodged in his body. He heard something about risks, and the possibility of being paralyzed from the operation.

He didn’t care. At the moment, he just wanted to survive. Penelope didn’t want to be with him, so he didn’t need to worry if she would want him when he was paralyzed. She didn’t want him at all, but he still wanted her. He still wanted to be with her, and that thought was enough to draw him back out of the darkness around him into the bright light of the OR.

He heard voices calling out that he was waking up. He had made it; he was alive. Death, or God, or whoever had been pulling him towards darkness wouldn’t get him. Penelope had saved him – once again.

“Baby Girl,� he burbled, before hands pulled at him, placing something over his mouth, and he was drawn back to unconsciousness.