CHAPTER 1
I lay awake in bed on my side, facing away from John, my body wrapped around the large pillow I had taken to sleeping with lately. I was normally a stomach sleeper but a few months ago, as my bulk increased, I found that I had no choice but to lay on my side to sleep. I sighed, even that was becoming increasingly difficult. It seemed that my body was no longer my own. My bladder worked overtime now, I was only able to handle certain foods and even more frustrating (or amusing as John and Harold found it) my brain had a hard time holding thoughts for long. Seemed I was always forgetting something these days. I decided I needed to get up and walk around a bit to ease the discomfort of sleeping in one place the entire night. I got up as quietly as I could. I knew John was a light sleeper but he had gotten so used to me getting up every few hours to go to the bathroom, that I was confident I wouldn’t wake him for long.
I shuffled into the bathroom for the required stop and then walked out into the living room. I didn’t bother turning on the lights. The drapes had been left open and the lights from the city below gave the room a soft glow. I looked down at the cars moving on the street. Even at 3 am, the city was alive with people. As I stood there thinking, I began to reminisce about the day that I found out I was pregnant. I had told John I would make dinner for us and when I disappeared into the bathroom for a long time, he had come in to check on me. He found me sitting on the toilet, my arms wrapped around myself and clutching the pregnancy test stick. He knew immediately something was wrong.
He got down next to me and asked “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? Are you ok?”
I looked over at him like a deer in the headlights. I wasn’t sure what to say. I opened my mouth to speak and couldn’t get the words out. John and I had NEVER discussed children. I took for granted that it was a line he would not want to cross, an unspoken limit to our relationship.
“Cecilia, what is it?” he asked, sounding a bit more alarmed than before.
In the end, I just handed him the test stick. He looked at it with a puzzled expression so I handed him the directions that explained what the two lines meant. He looked at the stick, then at me and back to the stick. Then I saw his face light up like I had never seen it before. The look of pure joy on his face transformed him into someone so totally different from the man I knew. For a second I was sad that I had never known this John, the one kneeling before me who was so ecstatic that he was going to be a father. All over again, I hated what the CIA had done to him.
John let out a whoop and caught me up in his arms. He lifted me from where I was sitting and covered my face with kisses. Suddenly he stopped and looked at me with a worried expression.
“You’re not happy about this?” he asked quietly.
“No, that’s not it.” I said softly. “I thought you’d be upset. I mean we never talked about this. I didn’t think you’d….”
He frowned. “I know.” Then he put his hands on either side of my face and looked into my eyes and said fiercely. “I promise, I’ll keep you and the baby safe. Whatever it takes.”
“I know you will and that’s what worries me.” Then I couldn’t help it, I gave him a huge smile and said, “We’re going to have a baby!” We hugged each other and then John lifted me up and carried me into the bedroom. We made love then, so softly and incredibly sweetly. It was like no other time before. Neither of us were hurried, just intent on demonstrating the joy we felt in each other. I kissed every part of him that I could reach and he spent an inordinate amount of time kissing my belly before making sure that I was satisfied in every way a woman could be. I returned the favor, taking satisfaction in making him feel every incredible sensation by gripping him with my inner muscles as he and I came together repeatedly. Both of us were aware that this love between us had made a child that we would love to distraction.
I smiled now and rubbed my belly, holding myself with both hands and embracing the child within. I never heard him, but suddenly John was there. He wrapped his arms around as much of me as he could and nuzzled my neck.
“Couldn’t sleep?” He whispered.
I leaned my head back into him to give him more access to my neck and murmured, “No.”
He kissed my neck tenderly and then the side of my face. I turned my face towards him and we kissed deeply. Then I leaned back into him a little and placed my arms over his where he was holding me. I sighed. “I’m just a little worried and nervous about this whole thing.” I admitted. “I hate not knowing what to really expect. It’s one thing to read about it, another to actually KNOW. And…” I stopped, not sure if I wanted to share this last part.
“And what?” he prompted. “Don’t you dare hold anything back just because you’re afraid of what I might think.” I smiled. John knew me too well.
“Alright, I’m afraid that you’ll be in the middle of something you can’t break off from when this baby decides to come.”
“Well as to that, you know Harold has promised to call in Fusco when the time comes. I promise I WILL be there.”
I knew John had every intention of keeping his word, but I also knew that when push came to shove, if someone’s life was on the line, he would stay there and see it through even if it meant missing the birth. It was one of the good things about his character that the CIA had been unable to subvert, his sense of responsibility. Frankly, I wouldn’t have had it any other way, but the thought of going through this alone was daunting.
“As to not knowing what to expect, why don’t you call Carter and get together? She’s been through the process with her son. I’m sure Finch will have another number for me if he doesn’t already. I’ll be in the field tomorrow anyway.”
I beamed at him and told him it was a great idea. “I knew there was a reason why I married you. OK, let’s go to bed.” We both settled down in the bed and John drew me close. I fell soundly asleep minutes later.
I woke to the sound of John in the shower and felt like being lazy and staying in bed until he was finished. I rolled over and saw his wedding ring on the nightstand. He never wore it during the day while out in the field. Whether it was our conversation the night before or the ring that made me think of it, I began recalling the day that John and I had been married.
We had both discussed the fact that we wanted this baby to be born to married parents fairly soon after we found out I was pregnant, but putting the thought into action had proven more difficult than either of us had imagined. Securing a marriage license had not been an insurmountable task considering Harold, who was delighted at the prospect of becoming an Uncle, had unlimited money to grease the bureaucratic wheels. The problem always lay in finding the time when there were no numbers that had come up. In the past, having three people who could manage for a short time alone had been enough, but both John and I were insistent that Harold be there as a witness to stand up for John.
The day DID finally come however when we found that there were no numbers forth coming and after a quick call from John to Joss, we drove to the courthouse to get married. John and I had discussed that we did not want anyone outside of the three of us to know about the marriage and child, but we found that even with Harold’s help, we would still need two witnesses to make the marriage legal. I had argued for asking Joss to be our second witness and John agreed on the condition that we didn’t tell her beforehand. For my own safety, we had faked my death a year ago and even my closest friend did not know I was still alive.
We arrived at the courthouse and I nervously waited with Harold in the small chamber off the judge’s quarters while John explained to Joss why we wanted her there.
“She’s alive? And you never told me?” I could hear Joss’s raised voice. “Why?”
I could hear John murmur something to her and also her response. “But I’m not just anybody Reese. Did Cecilia agree to this? Where is she?”
The outer door started opening and I could hear John say, “Please Carter, don’t upset her. She’s..”
He didn’t get any farther before Joss was standing there staring at me. I slowly got to my feet and her eyes opened wider as she took in my large belly. “Hi, Joss. I’ve missed you.” I said.
She turned to look at John and said, “Oh John, how could you?” She walked swiftly to me and tried to embrace me around my bulging abdomen. I returned the embrace and started crying. I had missed having a woman friend around and I had especially missed her. She murmured soothingly to me and rubbed my back. “It’s ok sweetie, I’ve missed you too.”
I pulled away and tried to dry my eyes. Joss turned quickly to John and said angrily, “John I can’t believe you would do this! Putting yourself in danger and outside the law is one thing, but to do it to Cecilia and a child! I’m not sure I can forgive you for being so selfish.”
“Joss, stop.” I said. “It’s not really his fault. We didn’t mean for this to happen. We were VERY careful. I was very careful, but somehow it happened.” She looked like she was going to argue but then decided it wasn’t worth it. What was done was done.
She shot John one last angry look and said to me, “So, I understand I’m here to witness a marriage?” I grinned widely at her and she grabbed my hand as we walked into the judge’s chambers to perform the ceremony. I smiled for the rest of the day. I had married the man I loved more than anything and I had gotten my best friend back all in one day.
I came back to the present and still smiling, I called up Joss to see if she could meet me for lunch today.
“Hi honey!” She said, answering the phone. “What’s up?”
“Is there any way you can meet me for lunch today Joss? I could use some woman to woman time.”
“John getting to be too much?” she chuckled.
While I wouldn’t have called being with John too much, I was feeling the need for some space and a little girl time. “No, I would just like to get together with my best friend.” I answered.
“Ok, can we meet somewhere near the precinct? I know of a little café called Bistro 36 that has good food.”
“Great! See you around 11?” we agreed and I hung up just as John came into the bedroom.
“Was that Carter I heard you talking to?” I nodded. “Well just be careful please. Where are you two meeting?” I told him as I got up to get in the shower. We had breakfast together and then left to go to the library to see what Harold had for us next. From the minute we stepped out of the apartment to the minute we walked into the door of the library, John turned into the super paranoid CIA drone he had been trained to be while in enemy territory. I couldn’t walk as fast as usual being nine months pregnant, but his only concession to comfort was that we rode in a taxi to three different locations using three different taxis before walking the last block to the library. When we walked, his hand was only inches from his back where he kept his gun concealed and while riding in the car, he gave up every pretense of concealing his weapon and kept it out on his lap. His eyes were hard and dangerous when he was in this mood and I found it easier just to sit there silently.
When we arrived at the library, Harold greeted John and I and asked how I was feeling. His mother-henning sometimes got on my nerves but I tried to remember he meant well and answered pleasantly enough that I was fine.
“I have another number for you.” He said, looking at both of us.
“What? Both of us?” Reese asked sharply. “I thought we agreed that while she was pregnant, Cecilia would NOT go out in the field Harold! She can’t handle the rough stuff right now.”
“I know that Mr. Reese and I would never put her or the child in danger. It just so happens that part of this assignment will be right up her alley and it’s necessary that she plays a part in this if we are to succeed here.” Harold told him a bit patronizingly.
I gave Harold a warning look and then asked him about our newest number.
He walked over to the cracked glass board and pointed to a picture of a young woman. “Her name is Tina Gibson, age 20. She works as a waitress in a small restaurant in Queens. As far as I’ve been able to tell, she has no family here in New York.”
“Why do you need me, Harold?” I asked puzzled. It didn’t appear that we had anything in common.
“Because she is almost nine month’s pregnant.” He said, showing us her medical files on line. I shuddered a little at the things that Harold was able to dig up about a person. I trusted him enough to think that he would not invade my privacy, but still. “I think it’s safe to assume that she is a victim rather than a perpetrator but Mr. Reese you’ll need to confirm that before we send Cecilia out in the field with you. Once you have confirmed that, then the two of you will attend birthing classes with Ms. Gibson and try to befriend her so that you may keep a close eye on her.”
John nodded and seemed reassured that whenever I would be out and exposed in the field, he would be there with me as well. “Alright, I’ll go track down Ms. Gibson.” He put in his earwig, gave me a quick kiss goodbye and as he left, I saw the cold shuttered look return to his eyes that meant he was about to “go behind enemy lines” as he thought of it.
I took my usual seat at the computer terminal across from Harold and plugged into the system to watch as Reese walked down the block towards the subway station.
“I have a few system administration things I need to do Mrs. Reese. Can you keep an eye on things while I do?”
“Of course, Harold. I was going to meet Joss for lunch at 11. Should I call and cancel?”
“No, no need. I should be done by then.” He put on his headset and started typing furiously away, off in his own world already. I never knew what he was working on during these time periods but knew better than to ask. About forty minutes later, Reese’s voice came over the speakers.
“I’ve located Ms. Gibson, Finch. Blue-jacking her phone now.”
“Ok, we’ve got sound here Reese.” I answered. Despite the fact that we were lovers during our time off, we were both very business-like on the job.
“Can you id the pictures I’m sending you now, MR? I need to know who Ms. Gibson works with. “
I received the pictures he sent and gave him a run-down of Ms. Gibson’s co-workers. One in particular stood out. Mr. Jeff Fotter, an ex-con who did time for armed robbery and assault, was working as a dishwasher at the restaurant. While the two did not directly interact, Reese said that Mr. Fotter was constantly watching Ms. Gibson as she waited tables. We listened for about an hour as Ms. Gibson took orders for the breakfast rush. When things finally settled down, Ms. Gibson sat down with another waitress and they began discussing Ms. Gibson’s pregnancy.
“No, I can’t go to him for help Shelby. He practically beat me black and blue when I told him about the baby.” We heard Ms. Gibson say. “I just don’t know what to do. I AM having this baby, whether Mr. High and Mighty wants me to or not. It’s just that, I was good enough for him to bed, but not good enough to take care of when…” she didn’t finish but started crying instead.
“Well, I think that just about confirms the idea that she is the victim, Reese.” I said, a little choked up. My hormones made me cry at the drop of a hat these days and I felt terrible for the twenty year old girl who had no one to help her through this.
Cautious as always, he said that he wanted to check out her apartment before making any final conclusions.
“I think her shift ends in three hours, after the lunch rush she said, so you should have plenty of time.” I told him. “We will monitor her from here.”
Harold completed what he was working on about a half an hour later and I got up to go and meet Joss for lunch.
“What time is that class tonight Harold?” I asked.
“At 7pm at St. Luke’s Hospital in the main conference room.” He told me.
When I arrived at Bistro 36, Joss was already there. “My goodness, you look wonderful.” She told me giving me a hug. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m good. A bit anxious, but good.”
“Anxious? About what?”
“The whole birthing thing!” I smiled and laughed. We spent the next hour talking woman talk about babies and pregnancy.
“How is John taking all this? He is the last person I would ever expect to have a child.”
“He’s being very supportive but he’s in high paranoia mode at the same time and I KNOW Harold is monitoring my every move. He’s even more paranoid than John is if you can believe it. I’m tolerating it for now, but once this baby comes, it’s going to stop.” I said determinedly.
“If you need anything, you only have to ask.” She offered.
“You’ve already helped put my mind at ease, but I’d love it if you were there for the baby’s birth Joss.”
“Absolutely!” she said and we hugged goodbye. I dialed Harold’s number and told him that I was a bit tired and was going to go home for a nap. I asked how John was progressing with the surveillance on Ms. Gibson and he told me that they had not yet identified the father of the child whom Ms. Gibson was afraid of.
“Please tell John that I’ll meet him at the birthing class tonight.”
He agreed to pass on my message and I made my way home, set the alarm for 4pm and fell promptly asleep.
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