They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes each lost in their own thought. The day’s events had left both Joss and John in a reflective mood and neither of the pair knew exactly how to voice the emotions that coursed through them.
“Would you like a beer?” she said, her voice echoing in the silence that had surrounded them only moments before. She stood up not waiting for John’s response and made her way to the kitchen. Joss opened the fridge and stared a moment before sighing and grabbing two beers from the top shelf. She headed back to the couch placing the bottle on the coffee table in front of John before settling down next to him. She grabbed the bottle opener she kept on her keys, opened her beer, and silently handed the opener to John who did the same. Joss took a small sip then placed the bottle back down. She felt his intense gaze and she felt compelled to turn around and face him. She was out of her element in almost every way. Taylor’s injuries had thrown her off balance and caused her to show more of her personal side to John. He was respecting her requests for boundaries, which she greatly appreciated. There was no doubt in her mind after John had spent the entire night with her in the hospital that he was a good, trustworthy man. He did not make her feel weak or small because of her emotional display. John was able to take the tears and panicked expressions in stride and offer her the silent, non-judgmental support she craved.
John watched as Joss sat on the couch peeling the label from her beer bottle which had now become slick with condensation. He was not in the mood for a drink but he would take any opportunity to stay with Joss a while longer. Despite being unsure of her reaction John wanted desperately to reassure her. She was looking straight ahead at the TV but her mind was clearly somewhere else. John took this opportunity to once again touch her forearm lightly rubbing the pad of his thumb in a circular motion. Her skin was soft and smooth under his fingertips. He was afraid she would pull away from him, like she had done in the hospital but her body relaxed into his touch. A smile graced his face when Joss turned around.
Joss offered a smile of her own and did not move away this time when John touched her. It was exactly what she needed. She showed him she was not upset this time by moving closer to him so their thighs touched. She leaned her head on his shoulder as he moved his arm around her body and wrapped her in a reassuring embrace. She felt his hand move up and down rubbing her shoulder. Fatigue set in and her eyelids began to flutter.
“Thank you, John” she whispered.
He sat with his arm wrapped around Joss until she fell asleep. He knew he should get some sleep too but Joss was so peaceful and John was feeling selfish for once. He wanted so badly to go to sleep with Joss wrapped in his arms and to wake up to the sounds of her and Taylor moving about the apartment beginning their day. He shifted, easing Joss from his arms. She stirred but her eyes remained closed. John then reached down and lifted Joss and carried her bridal style down the hall to her bedroom. Once he was inside John gently placed her on the bed, positioning her under her floral comforter. He took the moment to memorize her face before heading out of her home and back to the apartment Finch had given him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Mom!” yelled Taylor from the living room. Joss came sprinting down the hallway towards the living room. “Is everything ok?”
“Yea, it’s for you.” He said, handing her the phone and grinning from ear to ear. She eyed Taylor as she answered, since when did he answer her phone calls?
“Hello?”
“Hey Joss, how are you?”
She smiled and headed towards the kitchen turning away from her son’s prying eyes and ears. It had been a week since Taylor had returned home and John managed to contact her everyday to check in on them. The conversations were short but much appreciated.
“I’m fine, I take it you‘ve already spoken to Taylor.” She heard him chuckle and it made her smile even wider.
“Yes, he definitely sounds in better spirits.” Joss nodded along as she picked up the pile of mail laying on the counter and thumbed through it, stopping when she saw the small envelope addressed to Taylor.
“He is for now but I’m afraid it may be short lived.” she said letting out a sigh. “I have to go John.”
“Sure...” He said, hearing the change in her tone. “…until tomorrow, Joss.”
Joss ended the call and grabbed the envelope. She had been dreading this moment from the time she arrived home with Taylor. She had talked to Ryan’s grandmother, Paula, and even helped to get her in contact with a funeral home on the outskirts of the city, that would be able to help with the service. An understanding developed between the two women that left Joss felling a mixture of guilt and relief. She chose to keep it from Taylor until the announcement came in the mail giving her time to prepare for his reaction; whatever it might be. She made her way back to the living room where Taylor was engrossed in some sports broadcast. Joss walked up to the couch, grabbed the remote, and muted the TV.
“Taylor, we need to talk,” she said. She came around to sit next to him handing him the envelope when she sat down. Joss had gone over what to say more times that she could count but now she found herself at a loss for words. She watched her son’s reaction as he tore open the envelope and read through the funeral announcement. It was formatted in a tasteful fashion with a picture of the deceased teenager in his soccer uniform. Taylor placed the announcement on the coffee table and remained silent. Joss reached out to comfort Taylor but he moved away. He was trying to remain strong. She moved closer to him placing her arms gently around his shoulders. Taylor rested the bruise less side of his face on Joss’s shoulder.
“It’s okay to be upset Taylor.” She began. “You know I’m here when you want to talk.”
“Yeah.” He replied, in a short tone. ”I’m going to my room.” The teenager moved to get up. Joss stood to try and help him but he brushed off her attempt and headed to his room. These were the times when she missed James the most. Joss had been fortunate that despite her hectic work schedule she remained close with her son but she always knew there would be growing pains. As much as she tried; it was becoming more difficult to raise a young man. She could raise him to be the perfect gentleman but there were still some lessons that he needed to learn from an adult male; leaving Joss in unfamiliar territory.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The days leading up to Ryan’s funeral came and went without any fuss. Joss had worked a few half days at the precinct; mainly on desk duty, and her mother stayed at her apartment with Taylor. From the outside it appeared to be business as usual. However the calm aura didn't sit well with Joss. She had too much experience with tragedy and death and this was the calm before the storm and all she could do was brace herself for the impact.
Joss checked her appearance one final time in the small mirror of her blue sedan before taking a deep breath and stepping outside to the grave site. The morning sun was high in the sky but a light breeze kept temperatures at a pleasant level for the beginning of summer. Joss arrived a few minutes early and made her way through the crowd making polite conversation until she reached the front rows where Paula was seated. The older woman offered Joss a small smile and gestured to the empty seat next to her. The crowd began to dissolve to take their seats. Joss looked around and spotted Taylor sitting with his teammates, soccer coaches, and various classmates. A hush came over the crowd as the minister began to speak.
After the ceremony most of the teenagers went straight for the food then broke off into their respective social groups. The adults mirrored their behaviors; talking amongst themselves in small clusters of four or five. Joss made her way around the clusters of funeral attendees feeling out of place. She found a comfortable place off to the side of the activity observing everyone over the next few hours. She thought of John and wondered if this was how he felt when he watched her at James’ s grave.
The gathering thinned as parents collected their children to head home. Joss followed suit; gathering Taylor as they waited to greet the older woman. Each family stopped by to give their condolences to Ryan’s grandmother. Paula handled the families with a grace and composure that Joss admired. Joss learned it was a skill the older woman had developed over many years of loosing various family members. Aside from a few distant relatives scattered across the country; Ryan’s grandmother was virtually alone. When it was their turn the older woman wrapped both mother and son in a fierce embrace. It must seemed strange, even inappropriate, to the other guests but grief had its own way of bringing people together who may have otherwise been apart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John kept his distance, much to his dismay, over the past week. A new number came in leaving little time to rest, however it did not stop John from finding a way to contact Joss and Taylor by phone. He could hear the smile in her voice when he spoke with her. But that changed during their last conversation. He checked the time as he walked the block or so toward her apartment. She and Taylor should be home by now. He knocked on their door and then waited. Suddenly John felt unsure of himself, however those feelings were dismissed when he was greeted by Joss.
She seemed surprised at his presence but offered him a welcoming smile none the less.
“It’s nice to see you.” She said, as she opened the door wider; allowing him to enter.
“I just finished with a number and I was in the neighborhood.” He said, walking past her and scanning the living room.
She nodded her head as the pair made their way to her dining room table. They took their respective seats, she pointed to her mug of coffee, and John shook his head to decline the offer.
“How were things today?” He asked.
“As well as expected, the service was nice. Paula, Ryan’s grandma, handled it well.”
“And Taylor?”
Her eyebrows rose. ”He hasn’t said two words since we left and he didn’t even come out for dinner.” She shook her head and took a sip from her mug. “He inherited the Carter ‘tough man’ syndrome, making him more stubborn than usual.”
John raised an eyebrow. “So…more like his mother.”
Carter glared at him, but she managed to smile making it less menacing. ”I think I need a refill. Are you sure you don’t want any?” She said, glancing down at the empty mug.
“I’m fine.”
When she left the room John noticed the previously obscured business card on the table. He rotated the card towards him. It read: Juvenile Counseling Services. He frowned and turned the card around as Joss made her way back to the table.
She noticed him looking at the card. “I’m just afraid of him keeping everything inside. He and Ryan were pretty close but now he just needs someone that isn’t his mom.”
“Let me talk to him.” He said.
“Really?” Joss couldn’t hide the surprise in her voice. ”I can’t ask you to…”
“You didn’t ask, I offered.” He said, giving her a reassuring smile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John stood next to Joss as she knocked on the door calling for her son. Eventually the teenager responded with a monotone ‘come in’. He opened the door for her to enter first then he followed.
“Taylor, you have a visitor.” She said and stepped aside allowing the teenager a full view.
“Hello Taylor.” Said John, as he walked further into the room and stood off to the side. The boy eyed him, looking back and forth between the two adults.
Joss cleared her throat. “Well, I’ll leave you two alone.” And then she exited the room. Both John and Taylor noticed that she left the door slightly ajar, ready to act if their conversation was not agreeable.
Taylor sat up as best he could and then removed his headphones. “What’s up?”
John smirked and took a seat at the desk positioned at the bottom corner of his bed.
“I thought I’d stop by and say hello.”
Taylor nodded his head but didn’t reply. Silence fell over the pair; each of their brains buzzing, trying to figure out the other’s next move. John took this time to survey the surroundings. The room was decorated with four large posters on each wall. John knew Taylor played soccer so the New York Red Bulls poster above his bed seemed the most appropriate. On the wall to left next to the door frame was another poster for Arsenal FC. The wall opposite Taylor held a generic NFL poster above his dresser. Finally in front of the desk was an army recruitment poster. In typical teenage fashion the room was a little chaotic but not too messy; he concluded this was a result of Taylor’s limited mobility. A black gym bag was shoved in the corner with his blue and red soccer kit spread across the top. There were a few pictures on the desk, a group shot of the soccer team and one that John recognized from his father’s grave.
“I guess it’s safe to say Henry is your favorite player.” Said John in a casual tone. He watched the young man; gauging his reaction.
“Maybe. You like him?” The boy countered, folding his arms across his chest a challenge in his eyes.
John sat up some. “He’s good, but I prefer Van Persie.” He mimicked the teenager’s body language as if to say: check. The boy narrowed his eyes giving John the same direct gaze he offered. This went on for a few minutes. Taylor was the first to break the silence.
” Look, I know my mom probably asked you to talk to me but I’m cool. You seem like an alright guy so don’t feel like you have to be friendly with me to get in my mom’s good graces.”
“I don’t have an ulterior motive. But you’re smart enough to know she is worried about you.”
“Mom and I are fine. Any way I don't see how this really concerns you.” John could hear the irritation in his voice but it didn’t deter him. He was definitely his mother’s son, thought John. The boy had a glare that could rival Carter’s. Under his tough guy facade John could see the hurt in his eyes though. The internal battle between the adolescent boy, fighting to prove he was a man, and the child, who needed to be coddled and consoled. No matter the friendly nature of prior conversations Taylor was protective of his mother and their relationship. John relaxed his stance trying a different approach, the last thing he wanted was to antagonize the teenager.
“We do work together but I also consider your mother a friend. What is important to her is important to me. I do know there is nothing your mother won’t do to make sure that you are alright.”
“Yeah I guess.” Said Taylor in a relenting tone.
They talked for a few more minutes about nothing in particular before John stood and made his way towards the door.
“Hey John, How did you know Henry was my favorite player?” Asked Taylor.
John paused as he opened the door farther and came face to face with Joss, who obviously was eavesdropping on his talk with her son.
“I’ll tell you next time I stop by.” He said, never breaking eye contact with Joss. A smile crept across her face though she tried her best not to let it, but the moment was interrupted when her son maneuvered out of his room and stood beside John.
He turned towards Taylor as the boy spoke. “ When will that be?”
“Well I think you better ask your mother about that.”
Two sets of eyes were turned on Joss. The smoky blues staring at her with such intensity and need for acceptance; while her son’s brown eyes reminded her of his younger days when everything seemed to excite and enthrall him.
“We’ll have to see.” She said, turning to fix her gaze back to John.
“But mom…” Joss turned, giving her son a look that left no room for discussion.
“Okay… I guess I’ll see you later John.” Said Taylor. John gave him a reassuring pat on the back before closing his bedroom door.
They stood face to face in her hallway as she contemplated the turn in events. Joss was glad that her son was responding to John but it also made her nervous. The past would catch up to him eventually and there was no telling who could be caught in the crosshairs. She also knew that he would give his life to protect her and Taylor but all it took was one well-placed bullet, as he’d put it, and they would be alone for a second time. But then they’d only talked briefly…perhaps she was getting ahead of herself.
He placed his hands on her shoulders slowly slid them up, making his way to the back of her neck. His adroit touch subdued the anxious energy she was emitting. He smiled as she closed her eyes moving her head to give him better access. He worked his way down across the top of her back and again back up to her neck. When he finished John cupped her face in his large hands, leaned closer, and kissed her. It was light and gentle and completely unlike the kisses he imagined giving Joss. But he wanted to soothe her pain and place her mind at ease.
“Get some rest Joss.” He whispered
She thought John was infectious and Taylor had inherited both her stubbornness and her heart. It wouldn’t be long before John managed to make her son love him as much as she did.
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