Relationship Review by Annja

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Disclosure, an Alice and Kai production

Alice: Hi, I’m Alice. I type everything. Kai and I share an account with our friend Lily, who chose the account name to honor the series of liars in the Anastasia thingy. Since she lies a lot herself

Kai: Hey, I’m Kai. I am the brains.

Alice: No, you’re not. You’re the humor.

Kai: I’ll settle for that.

Lily: (from her sleeping bag) Shut up! I need some damn sleep.

Alice: Oh yeah, its one in the morning. We just came up with this watching The Office. On with the story….

xxx

It started off as a normal morning for Robert Bell. He woke up at six fifteen, fed the baby and took a shower. He then ate a bowl of Quaker Oates and drove to work. Robert was head of H.R at the BAU, which was usually a decent job, not much drama that he couldn’t shift to the office of Professional Responsibility.

(Of course, as this is an A&K production, he will not be having a good day. Our office folk usually go home crying)

Robert’s assistant, Lori came in with a folder. Today he had to meet with Strauss at three and he had a…oh no.

A relationship review.

Robert hated these. Always had. Ever since his first, which caused the couple to break up due to his awkward questions, Robert lived in fear of these. Today’s agents were Penelope Garcia and Derek Morgan. They were due in at ten. Robert rang for Lori.

“Lori, get a Valium ready,” he said, which brought a smile to her face. Lori didn’t hate her boss, but she loved to see him squirm. When she got to her desk, she called one of the other PAs.

“It’s Lori. You owe me 20 on the Morgan/Garcia bet,” she told her friend. She then pretended to do her nails as she listened to them talking.

Morgan: What do you think going to happen?

Garcia: Hopefully nothing.

Morgan: Baby girl, we’re in HR. Something is going to happen.

Garcia: I’ll take of you baby.

Morgan: I know.

A few minutes, when Lori got bored she called Robert. The couple sat at the table and smiled at the HR man.

“You know why you’re here right?” Robert asked. The couple nodded. “Can you tell me how this started?”

“After a case last week, we decided to get drinks with the rest of the team,” Morgan said. “Everyone else had to leave, and we were left alone. It grew late and we had had one too many and decided to go to hotel.”

“What happened there?” Robert said.

“We made love,” Garcia said bluntly. Robert gagged on his own salvia and turned pink-red. “What? You told me to be honest!”

“Is that all?” Robert asked. “According to my notes, there is a history of inappropriate behavior.

“You once told Section Chief Erin Strauss to talk dirty to you.”

“I thought she was Derek.”

“In a fertility clinic, you disturbed the patients as so:

*Morgan: Oh, one last thing. Look up the words "sexy" and "brilliant" in that computer of yours, and tell me what you come up with.
Garcia: Look at that, it's me.
Morgan: You are a goddess, woman. Ciao. [To surrounding fertility clinic patients, most of whom are paying rapt attention] ...It was a work call. *

“I can admit to that,” Morgan said. “But that was before we got together.”

“Still, I’m not sure if I can give a positive review,” Robert said as he made some notes.

“We’ll be good,” Garcia purred.

“There’s more!” Robert cried. “You once claimed to have altered nude photographs of SSA Morgan. You two constantly emotionally disturb people with your comments.” He had a three page list of grievances and read through it all. At the end they still didn’t get it. Robert was amazed on how thick they seemed. He wanted to cry. This had never happened before.

“We were joking,” Morgan tried to lighten the mood.

“You,” Robert turned to Garcia. “Your sexual innuendo could get us sued. And Morgan, stop playing her game.”

“How does he know about our game?” Garcia asked.

“All I ask is for you to be somewhat normal,” Robert begged. “Please. I don’t want to be fired.”

They were dismissed.

“How did it go?” Lori asked. Before they could answer, Robert called for Lori.

“Lori….Valium.”

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Relationship Review by Annja

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