Background: The Killing Club case wrapped up some time ago. John went to see Cristian Vega and asked yet again if he wants to let his family know he’s still alive; to John’s consternation Cris refused the offer. Evangeline and John have yet to be able to completely let go or successfully move on with someone else.
Evangeline’s living room:
“I’m not as drunk as you think, Evangeline. Actually, I’m not as drunk as I’d hoped to be.” John states sheepishly as he gently puts down her childhood toy whose neck he had nearly twisted off. He knew he had scared her; another blunder in a night of blunders starting with talking to her and her date at Capricorn when he was well on his way to a spectacular bender. He tried not to let his jealousy show as their date progressed and the guy was getting all lightly touchy feely with Van who seemed receptive and attentive; so John drank even harder.
Leaving before they did he parked himself across from her townhouse deep in the shadows and waited. They pulled up and parked in her driveway and he escorted her to her door where, to John’s intense dismay, Van’s date crossed the threshold and gained entry into her house. He started to seethe as the minutes ticked by and the guy was in there for an hour, then two and going on three. Didn’t this fool have a home? Then John felt irrational, guilty, helpless and increasingly stupid in the face of his jealousy.
The sharp rapping on his window startled John into alert wakefulness which quickly turned to humiliation when he saw Evangeline’s angry glare, “Get the hell out of the car and explain yourself, McBain!” she snapped in fury. John had no idea of the time but he knew he had dozed off, what he couldn’t figure out was how she had seen him; what he didn’t want to do was face this other man when he was acting like a demented lover…or a stalker. Looking over at her driveway he was relieved to see the car was gone, the other man had left, but when? Had they become lovers this night or just found such delight in each other’s company they had connected intensely and talked the night away? That would be worse, if she finally found someone who could say the words with ease and sincerity, it would hurt him as much as visualizing them having sex did. No, he could live with them having sex, what if they made love tonight? What if she was falling and let go of him?
Now standing in her living room looking out onto the patio and the darkness settled over her garden John resolved to tell her everything, unveil every demon buried in his soul. Take the risk of scaring her so thoroughly with his true self that she might pack up and leave town in the dark hours of the night running from the demon she had once given herself to. This would take some time, John looked at Van seeing the anger give way to confusion and an understanding that his dark spirit was a scarier place to be then she had imagined. “I want to tell you everything, but I can’t do it in one night. There’s too much to tell, things I haven’t actively thought about in…years. Stuff buried so deep, but I want to tell you. Will you let me?”
“Why, John? Why now, this need to open up to me after all this time? My dating frightens you that much?”
“I don’t know much of anything, as you well know, but I DO know that I don’t want to do this alone anymore, I can’t walk through this life by myself anymore.” Taking a deep breath he crossed the room and touched her lightly on the shoulder, “I mean, I don’t want to go on without you in my life. There’s so much and I’m afraid. I think once I tell you it will just mean you’ll really run as far away from me as you can get. I wouldn’t blame you.”
“I don’t run John; you pointed that out last year. Let me in, I’m still willing to be there for you, if only as a friend.”
Friend? He damn sure didn’t want her to become an ex-lover who morphed into friendship. “While I can use a friend like you, I want much more than friendship only from you. Evangeline, I want everything. But I know I have to give in return.”
“Okay, I’ll put on coffee and turn off my phones and pager, you do the same and we can talk.”
“No, that won’t work. Somehow, someway we’ll be interrupted by our jobs or our lives. Will you go away with me? Separate rooms, you pick the place just someplace where no one knows us and we won’t get interrupted or allow ourselves to be distracted.” John looks searchingly in her eyes to see if she still cared enough to try, wanted to try, “Can we go away together?”
Evangeline was rooted to the spot shocked by his request, and after all this time. Did she care to try? It was an awfully damn long way to fall again if nothing changed or if he spilled his secrets and then really realized he didn’t love her and never would. Or she finally admitted that whatever she felt for him had melted away.
Sensing her unease John stepped back a pace out of her space so she fully understood his request went far beyond wanting to reactivate their immense passion for one another, “I swear I won’t let you fall.” He says quietly listening and responding to her private thoughts.
“John….I need to think about this. I don’t want to get sucker punched again emotionally. I feel like I’m ready to move on…”
“With what’s-his-name? Things went that far tonight? I’m sorry,” he said quickly heading off her flare of displeasure, “whatever did or didn’t happen tonight, does it impact on what we’ve shared? What we could have again. Please, let me try to make this understandable for you.” Rubbing his eyes and then resting his fingers under his chin he offers another thought, “Maybe I can borrow the Buchanan cabin from Bo if you don’t want to go too far away with me.”
Still she remained silent watching him with closed off eyes. This must be what it’s like when she’s cross-examining witnesses on the stand, they can’t tell anything that’s happening behind those eyes, inside that chilly professional demeanor. He knew if she agreed to start down this road with him she was going to third degree him to within an inch of his life. So much of what he had to say she’d find professionally and personally repugnant; he was insane to take this risk, at least now she still had respect for his professional ethics, soon that would be all over. His part in the Cris Vega DNA debacle was the least of his worries with her.
Time seemed to slow and creak to a halt while Evangeline looked inward, but he knew how to hold a silence; it was part of what made him an effective undercover agent for the FBI and a great Chief of Detectives here in Llanview. John waited her out and finally she spoke, “I’ll need to clear my calendar, so will you. Will you really do that? Not let some emergency give you an out? If you bail on me this time John….”
“How soon can we leave?”
Evangeline held his gaze while wondering how she would explain this abrupt about-face to Nora, Layla, and their mother”because Layla was sure to tell”and later when John was gone, to herself.
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