Everything is Nothing by wolfmusic218

Title: Everything is Nothing

Author: wolfmusic218

Summary: A fight leads to personal revelations and more.

Author's notes: This one was a pain in the ass. It started out as something completely different and then stalled. Luckily, I have a friend who kept at me. Of course, she kept at me by weaving story worms through my brain. Story worms for OTHER stories. Jess, I blame this schmoopiness on you.

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"So if you can't see love
And if you can't be loved
Baby it'll haunt you and everything you will do"
- Tonic

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Reese slammed through the door to the library, rattling the books and pottery on the shelf as the door hit the wall, and stormed down the hall towards Finch’s office. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. So fast, it had happened so damn fast, he hadn’t thought the consequences through. He just knew he had to stop it, had to protect her. He’d paid for his lack of planning and self-control.

“Mr. Reese.”

“Finch.”

Finch looked up from his computers and watched Reese pace around the room like a caged leopard, mumbling things under his breath. “I’m sensing you’re upset, Mr. Reese. Something I should know?”

Reese turned his back and leaned both hands on the table in front of him, hanging his head, trying to gather his control. “She’s pissed at me. Really pissed. And I have no idea why.”

Finch walked over towards the table and stood next to him, moving papers and books out of John’s reach. “Who, exactly, is angry with you?”

“Carter.” John picked up the glass sitting on the table and rolled it over in his hand, testing its weight. “I saved her life and she’s mad at me for making the effort! Did she think I’d just let her get shot? Did she honestly think I would be able to stand there and watch her die?”

Finch took the glass from Reese’s hand and set it back on the table. “Detective Carter stood silent while you were shot, Mr. Reese.”

Reese whirled on Finch and grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket. His voice was quiet and deadly as he spoke, “Don’t bring that up again, Finch. She and I have made our peace with what happened. I don’t blame her for it and she knows I don’t.”

“Mr. Reese.” Finch ran his hands over his jacket when Reese let him go, smoothing the wrinkles. “You’re frustrated with her, angry even, and yet you still defend her. Interesting.” He straightened his tie and collected his thoughts. “Have you even considered why she’s mad at you?”

“What the hell do you think I’ve been doing?”

“So, that would be a no, obviously, since I know you’re not stupid.” Aware of Reese’s glare, Finch walked back around the table and sat down in front of his computer, his fingers flying over the keyboard. “I’d like you to see something.”

When he walked behind Finch, John saw the scene he’d just left on the screen of the computer. “What is this?”

“Just watch.”

Reese stood stock-still as he watched the incident play out again. Carter running into an alley after her perp. The man turning, pulling a large caliber weapon and pointing it at her. He watched as he tackled her out of the way just as her suspect fired, missing both of them by inches. He saw himself firing and wounding the man, rendering him unconscious.

He watched her face on the screen. First shock that he was even there and then anger. She’d pushed against him once she’d gotten up. Pushed him away from her, yelled at him about it being the stupidest thing she’d ever seen anyone do. What was he thinking? Was he trying to get himself killed? She’d hit him twice in the chest. He could do nothing but stand there in shock.

Without a thought to why, he realized he couldn’t take it anymore and had felt his own anger building. He’d stared at her for a long moment, trying to figure out what to say. The words didn’t come. Reese took her hand and placed his weapon in it. She could explain it however she liked. Then he’d walked out of the alley without looking back, not knowing why his head kept telling him to go back and why it felt like his heart was shattering in his chest.

“Turn it off.”

“One more moment, Mr. Reese. There’s something else you need to see.”

Reese watched the screen as Carter, after calling in for an ambulance, sat on an empty milk crate and put her face in her hands and cried, “Jesus Christ, John…I can’t…I just can’t….”

Reese’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “What is she talking about?”

He watched Finch take a deep breath and shake his head. “Do you really need me to spell it out for you?”

“Apparently, because I’m not seeing it.”

“She was furious with you, Mr. Reese, not because you protected her, but because you put yourself in jeopardy for her.”

“For Christ’s sake, that’s my job!”

Finch cocked his head at Reese. “Is it? I thought your job was to protect the innocent, not to protect a cop who is more than capable of doing her job.”

“What’s the difference? I was there! I couldn’t just stand there and let her get shot.”

“Why were you there?”

Reese blinked at the question. “What?”

“Why were you there, at that very moment, John?” Finch’s use of his name, in that soft, patient tone of voice, gave him pause. He got the feeling Finch was disappointed with him, that he hadn’t figured out the clues.

Reese stalked away, pulling off his coat and throwing it over a chair, missing the look Finch gave his computer. He picked a book from the shelf in front of him, barely seeing it. He opened it, flipped some pages.

“Mr. Reese, that’s a first edition, I would appreciate it if you would please put it down.”

John placed the book back on the shelf with a sigh and turned to Finch, his face blank. “I was just there. It doesn’t matter why.”

“Bullshit.”

Both men spun towards the voice in the doorway; Carter stood watching them.

“Don’t look so surprised, gentlemen.” She threw a glance at Finch. “I’m pretty sure at least one of you knew I was here.” She caught the accusing look Reese gave his boss.

She walked towards Reese and stopped directly in front of him. He looked down at her, his eyes narrowed, his smirk firmly planted. “You followed me, Carter? Finch is going to think I can’t lose a tail.”

Before he could register the movement, her hand came up and slapped him across the jaw. He barely flinched. But he felt it, deeply. His eyes closed and he took a breath, waiting for the next blow.

It never came.

He looked down at her and almost missed the glistening in her eyes. He couldn’t seem to process the two things at once: this tough, no-nonsense cop who was standing before him, ready for a fight, and the soft, sensitive woman who was looking up at him.

He also couldn’t reel in his next words. “Go ahead, Carter, get it out of your system. Whatever has you all riled up, just get it out. Then maybe we can be rational and get to the real reason you’re so pissed off at me for protecting you.”

Reese heard her quick intake of breath and wished, at that moment, he could go back in time ten seconds.

“Rational? Are you kidding me? I came here….I wanted to make sure…” She took a deep breath, settling herself. “You know what? Screw you.” She turned her back on him, walking a few steps away, her anger still radiating off of her.

“Screw me? I saved your life, Carter! I don’t understand why you’re so upset!” He threw his hands in the air in defeat.

She spun on him. “Of course you wouldn’t understand it! I’m just your fucking job.” She spit the words back at him and watched him flinch. She mentally scored herself a point.

She headed towards him in long strides, coming to stand toe to toe with him, poking him in the chest with her finger. “I can do my damn job without your interference, so unless you have something to discuss with me regarding those numbers, stay away from me. I can’t do this again.”

“Can’t do what?” Reese reached for her, but she backed up, turning away from him. He watched the fight completely drain from her; the change was stunning.

“Nothing. Just…nothing. Nevermind. I have to go.” She headed towards the door with her head down, her hands stuffed in the pockets of her coat.

“Why are you mad at me, Carter?” His voice was softer, deeper than before. “Why did you follow me all the way over here to just walk away again?”

She paused at the door, her hand on the doorknob. “I came here to tell you to leave me alone. That I didn’t need you following me around, protecting me. I’m a cop, John. A good cop. I had the shot tonight.”

“I know you’re a good cop, Carter; it’s why I chose you. I also know that’s not why you came here. Why were you so upset after I left?”

He saw her shoulders stiffen. “Damn it.” She turned her head and glared. “Finch.”

Reese nodded his head. “Privacy isn’t high on his list when the people he…that work for him…are in danger. I am sorry he showed it to me, though.”

She turned around, her curiosity getting the better of her. “Why?”

He took a step towards her and noticed her hand tighten on the door. He kept his eyes on hers, wanting a reaction to his next words. “Because it was something you didn’t want me to see.”

Carter’s eyes widened slightly but she didn’t say anything, just watched him.

He took another step towards her. “What did you mean?”

“About what?” She leaned against the door almost in defeat. He could see it. He could see her giving in, even if she didn’t realize she was doing it.

Reese knew he had to be very careful. Finch’s words resonated with him now. It had hit him as she was trying to bolt; she hadn’t come here to tell him to stay away at all. She had been worried about him. Not as her protector, not as someone she worked with and was learning to trust. She was worried about him as a man. Finch had seen it, why hadn’t he? Had he become so closed off to his own feelings that he couldn’t see something as clear as this?

“You said, ‘I can’t, not again’ a couple of times. I don’t know what that means. Should I?” When her head was down, he moved just a small step closer. A couple more feet and he’d be in her personal space. He knew she wasn’t going to like it, but he had to take the chance. If he waited, it might not come again.

Carter slowly shook her head. “No….”

Another step.

“Carter, talk to me. I want to know. I want to know you.” His voice was soft, slow. He dug his hands in the back pockets of his jeans and just stood watching her. He didn’t want to say too much. He wasn’t sure either of them was ready.

“Right. I’m your job. You’re not exactly an open book, you know. You know everything about me. Or Finch does. Same thing.” She waved her hand in the air dismissively. “I know nothing about you.” Her hand slipped off the doorknob and she leaned hard against the door. Her voice was resigned.

He watched her eyes close and her chest rise and fall with her breathing. He felt his anger give way, only to be replaced by concern for her. There was something she wasn’t telling him. Something deep and painful. “I know the facts; I want to know the important things, the things not on Finch’s computers. If you want to know me, you can ask me anything; I will never lie to you.”

Her eyes opened and she watched him carefully. She couldn’t move. He still hadn’t moved closer, but she could sense that it wasn’t an easy choice. He was giving her space. She couldn’t help but appreciate his control.

Reese turned his head and looked around the room. “I swear, the man is a ghost at times. Did you see him leave?”

“No…but I wasn’t really watching for him.”

He smirked at her. “No, you were trying to escape.”

“Shut up. I was not.”

He took a step forward and watched her straighten her back against the door. He was close now, but not close enough. He smiled a crooked smile at her. “Yeah. Yeah, you were.”

“What the hell is going on, Reese? This isn’t me; I’m not afraid of you. I never have been.” Her eyes closed again and she let out a slow breath.

He watched her collect herself and quietly made a move.

“Carter.”

She opened her eyes to find him right in front of her. His hands were pressed to the door over her shoulders, his face close to hers, and his mouth near her ear. “You have never been just a job to me. There has been something, a pull, between us since the beginning. Tell me you felt it too. Please…tell me.”

He could see her hands balling into fists and felt her breath coming fast on his neck. He had to break her of the fear she was holding onto.

“You know why I followed you tonight, Carter?” he whispered in her ear. “I followed you because if something happened to you, it would end me. It was selfish really.”

Reese bit his lip. He was so close he could smell the scent from her shampoo, but he couldn’t, wouldn’t, get closer to her. It was taking every bit of his self-control to not grab her up and press her against the door with his body. He knew he had to let her come to him for this to work.

“Carter.”

He leaned back and watched as she opened her eyes to him. They were a haze of desire and fear.

“I need you to touch me, Carter. Anywhere. Just put your hands on me.”

“I can’t.” Her voice was pained.

Damn it, she was a stubborn woman. He leaned in again, his lips barely brushing her ear. “Why? Tell me why. I want to touch you, but I can’t, I won’t, not until you let me know you want me to.”

“John…” She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think. All her senses were focused on him. She couldn’t do this, but God, she wanted to.

Reese leaned his forehead on the door, his fingers digging into the wood to keep himself from touching her. “I need you to do something for me.”

“…please don’t….”

He interrupted her, “Put Detective Carter away for a while. I need Jocelyn. I need the woman who believes I won’t hurt her. The woman who came to me tonight because she was worried about me.”

“They’re the same person…the same…” Her hands itched to touch him. She couldn’t make them move.

She heard him swallow hard and turned her head towards him, causing his cheek to brush against hers. He felt her tense and then relax, the breath leaving her in one long rush. He knew she was close to giving in. He wanted to feel the moment she let her desire overwhelm her. “No, they’re not.”

“I’m not afraid of you, John.” Her voice was different, stronger.

He pulled back and was rewarded when he looked at her; her eyes were clear and focused on him.

“Prove it to me.”

Later, he would figure that the desire rushing through him at that moment had slowed his reaction time.

Carter pushed herself away from the door and buried her hands in his hair, pulling his head down, bringing his mouth down hard on hers. He could feel her body vibrating against his as the kiss turned rough. Her mouth was hot, violent against his and it sent a shock of electricity to his groin and spurred him into action.

Reese pressed forward, pushing them both against the door with a thud. His hands grasped her jaw, trying to gain control of the kiss, but she wasn’t having any of that.

He felt her hands on his chest and waited for her to push him away, to come to her senses, but as usual she surprised him; she took hold of his shirt and yanked it from his jeans, pulling it apart at the same time…sending buttons flying.

Reese couldn’t help it, he smiled against her mouth. “That’s my girl.” He pushed her jacket off her shoulders so it pooled at her feet, grasping her hands and lifting them, entwining their fingers.

Carter broke the kiss, took a deep breath, and looked at him. “Don’t make this into something it’s not.”

She saw a flash of hurt cross his face, but it was gone almost as quickly as it came. “I’m not making it into something it isn’t already.” He nipped at her full bottom lip, watched her eyes widen with the statement. “This is something I’ve thought of doing for months. Admit it, you’ve thought of it, too.”

He leaned closer, pressing his body against hers. “Admit that you’ve thought about what my hands would feel like on your body, Carter. I’ve thought of yours on mine. I’ve thought of it often.”

He felt her hands on his chest, her nails sliding down, scraping against his sides. He closed his eyes as the near-shudder ran through his body.

“But it’s more than that, isn’t it? It’s the elephant in the room. It’s the reason you worry about me. It’s reason I follow you to make sure you’re safe. It’s why we can’t stay away from each other, even though we know we should.”

“John, please don’t…” Her hands pulled him closer, but her eyes were closed. John lifted her leg and she hooked her heel behind his knee, putting him between her legs. She could feel him hard against her center.

He wove his hands through her hair, kissing her deeply and gently, pressing his mouth against her ear. “Let’s try something easier: Admit you want me. I want you, Jos. I want to feel your body moving under mine, on top of mine. I want to watch you lose control. I want you to come apart with me inside you.”

He pressed against her again, making her moan against his shoulder. “Jesus…”

“Admit it, Jos.”

She pulled away and looked at him, watched his eyes. He always said so much with his eyes. What they said now scared her more than she thought possible. She leaned towards him, intent on kissing him again, but he pulled his head away.

“Admit it.”

She sobbed against his chest. “What do you want from me? Isn’t me being here enough?”

He leaned his chin on the top of her head and looked up, pained. “God, I wish it was. I need the words. I’m not going to ask again, Jos.” He waited, long moments, watched her struggle, his heart breaking with each second. When she didn’t move, didn’t lift her head from his chest, he grasped her leg gently and slid it down so she stood on the floor again. “I can’t...I won’t do this.” He pulled away from her, holding her hands in his. “The things I feel, what I feel for you, I can’t do this if you can’t at least admit that you want it too.”

Tears slipped down her cheeks and he wiped them away with his thumbs, grasping her face in his hands. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

When she looked up at him, she was surprised to see his eyes brimming with unshed tears. Her heart clenched at the sight. “John…” She rested her hand over his heart, his skin warm under her palm.

He could only shake his head. “Don’t, Jos.” He took her hands and kissed her knuckles. “Another time, maybe, but not right now.” He pressed her hand against his cheek. “I’m going to go. Stay here as long as you like; I’m sure Finch won’t mind.”

John released her hands and turned from her. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He knew how he felt and he thought he’d been sure about her feelings too. He was rarely wrong about people.

He grabbed his coat from over the chair and shook it out. He was stalling and he knew it. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to fight with her, force her to open up. Even if it didn’t end up where he thought they both wanted it to. But he knew forcing something this important would make it meaningless. He put his jacket on and tried to fix his shirt to no avail.

He turned back around and walked back towards the door. Carter still stood against it, her eyes closed. He wanted to grab her up and kiss her senseless, but he wouldn’t. He didn’t have the right.

She sensed him near her and opened her eyes, but didn’t look at him. She knew what he wanted. Every fiber of her being wanted to give it to him, but the words were stuck in her throat, buried so deep she wasn’t sure she could get them out. She took a deep breath and slid over, allowing him access to the door.

He looked down at the floor, running his hands over his coat “I don’t want to leave, not like this. I’m afraid we’ll never get this chance again.”

This time, she did look at him. He watched for a moment, watched the pain of the situation play over her face, and then nodded, offering her a small smile.

Her breath caught on a sob.

He stopped next to her as he opened the door, leaned the side of his head against hers. He kissed her temple. “I don’t know why, but I know you can’t. One day, Jos, I hope you’ll be able to.” He ran his fingers over her hand as he crossed the threshold of the doorway. He turned to look at her again and stepped out into the hall.

“I can’t…” He heard her catch her breath and pause. “I can’t lose another man I love.”

His heart stopped.

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Love.

He heard her shift and felt her hand on his back, but couldn’t move. The elephant had been let out of its cage. His hand was still on the doorjam when he felt her other hand land on his back too. She ran them up and down slowly, absently, and pressed her face into his jacket. “I’m sorry, John. Please…don’t leave. I’m sorry I hurt you; I never wanted to hurt you. I was just….”

He wanted to turn and wrap his arms around her, try to alleviate her pain, but he couldn’t make himself move. It was more, so much more than he’d ever hoped for.

“What?” His voice came out in a whisper. “You’re just…what?” Her next words could decimate him, he knew that, but he had to know.

She paused, breathing in deep. He felt her shaking against his back. Instinct told him to stay where he was.

“I was just scared to death to let you in. When I lost Michael, I thought my life was over, too. Taylor, even though he was little, saved my life; I had no choice but to get back up and continue. He depended on me to be strong.” He felt her hands wrap around his torso and press against his stomach.

This time, he did cover her hands with his. He squeezed them gently, encouraging her to continue. He was humbled by her trust.

“I really wasn’t ready for you, John. Wasn’t ready for the way you made me feel. The first day we met, I knew I was in trouble. You’re such a good man; you’ll never convince me otherwise. I tried; I really tried to keep you from working your way into my heart.”

After a few quiet moments, she pulled away from his back and put her hands on his hips, turning him to face her. “Say something. Please.”

She watched so many emotions play over his face, she wasn’t sure what she was seeing. He kept staring over her head at some point on the wall behind her. It would have scared her if she didn’t see his Adam’s apple bobbing with his struggle.

She was sure of herself now, far more than she had been not ten minutes earlier. She felt so much lighter with her admission. He hadn’t bolted, hadn’t made her doubt herself or him. She had hope for the first time in years. Hope in the form of the man in front of her.

She took hold of his shirt and walked backwards, pulling him with her. “Come back inside.”

He had so many things he wanted to say to her. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how much the things she’d just said meant to him, but he didn’t think he was capable of coherent speech. Not with her pulling him back into the library and looking at him like she was. It wasn’t the same fearful look she’d given him earlier. This look was something he’d never seen on her before and he liked it. He wanted to see it often and directed only at him.

He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, keeping his eyes on her.

She came towards him, almost tentatively, and slid her hands inside his open shirt. Her hands worked around his middle, pulling her closer to him, until she was pressed against him. She looked up and watched him as she placed a kiss over his heart.

His eyes closed with the sensation. “Jos…”

She placed her hand over his heart. “Don’t say anything right now. Let me.”

She reached both hands up and put them on his jaw, pulling his face down so his forehead leaned on hers. “I owe you this, John. I owe you so much more, but this…this is important for us right now.”

He opened his eyes and watched her take a deep breath. He kissed her nose, trying to lighten her mood. He could tell, no matter what she’d said earlier, this was still going to be hard for her face to face.

When she looked up at him, she gave him a quick smile. “You wanted something earlier, wanted me to tell you something.”

He pressed his thumb against her lips gently. “You’ve already given me so much more than that, Jos….”

She wrapped her hand around his wrist and locked eyes with him. “I want you.”

He swallowed hard and took her face in his hands, watched her. He could tell she wasn’t done.

“I love you.” The words were quiet, but stronger.

He turned them so her back was against the door and pressed his forehead against hers, his eyes closed. “You’re not the only one scared to death of this, Jos, not the only one who’s lost someone.”

He slid his hands down her shoulders, down her arms, and grasped her hands in his. He leaned his mouth near her ear. “And you’re not the only one who loves...”

Her breath caught in her throat at his quiet declaration. “John?”

“Hmm?”

She ran her hand over his cheek and down his chest. “Is there some place in here without any cameras? I really need you naked right now, but I’d rather not have an audience.”

He huffed out a laugh, grateful for the break in the tension. “I have a room here. No cameras. It’s not The Ritz, though; I hadn’t planned it with company in mind.”

She pushed his coat and shirt off together and kissed the center of his chest. “Good. If you honestly think I’ll be looking at the décor when I have this to hold my attention…”

Jos squealed and wrapped her legs around his waist when he lifted her and pressed her against the door with his body. “I’m going to do my absolute best to keep you from thinking at all. You know how I get when I focus.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into his ear. “I do know. And I can’t wait.”

He pulled away from the door, balancing her in his arms. He turned them and walked towards his room, being careful to not bump into anything. He couldn’t help but glance at her every couple of seconds, almost having to reassure himself that she was really there, that he had her in his arms and she was nuzzling into his neck, kissing along his jaw, gripping his hips with her thighs.

He kicked the door to his room open causing it to hit the wall behind it.

“A little eager?” She chuckled and took a nip of his ear.

He walked inside and kicked the door closed again, reaching back and fumbling with the lock. He let her slide slowly down his body, making her gasp. “You have no idea, Jos. Months of foreplay, flirting, wondering what you looked like under your suits.”

She grasped his belt and walked backwards until her legs hit the bed. “Hmm…sounds familiar.”

He reached up and popped the first button on her shirt. “You wondered what I looked like under my suits?”

She pulled his belt loose from the buckle. Her hands landed on his hips and looked at him like he was dense. “I don’t think there’s a woman that crosses your path that doesn’t wonder.”

Another button.

“There’s only one woman that matters to me.” Another button.

“Oh, good answer, John.” She smirked up at him and popped the clasp of his pants.

He stilled her hands. “It’s the truth.”

“I know. It’s been the same for me. I just fought it longer than you did, I think. I was…” She ran her hands up over his chest, listened to him catch his breath with her touch. “…I was just afraid to let myself feel anything for you. I still don’t know how we’re going to make this work.”

He grasped her hands in his. “Do you want to?” He felt only slightly pathetic at the crack in his voice, but he needed to know.

She looked up at him for a long moment, watched the hope in his eyes. “Yes. Yes, I do.” A vow.

The side of his mouth turned up as he watched her. “Then we’ll figure it out. But not tonight. Tonight is about this.”

“This?” Her eyes closed as she felt her shirt fall open and one of her bra straps slip down her shoulder, only to be replaced by his soft, warm mouth.

He pushed her shirt off her shoulders, letting it pool at her feet. “Love.”

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John woke to a feeling he hadn’t experience in a long time: contentment. His eyes drifted down to the reason. Jos lay on her side facing him, her hand rested over his hip, her head tucked against his chest. And she was completely, gloriously naked.

She was still sound asleep which gave John a little time to just look at her. He hadn’t had much of a chance last night. Oh he’d seen her, but it was through a haze of lust he hadn’t felt in so long, it made him blind with need.

He shifted so he was laying on his side facing her and watched her face as she slept. He wondered how in the world they were going to make this work. She’d said she wanted it, wanted to try to figure it out with him and he believed her. They’d work it out. They would. He hadn’t let anyone into his heart since Jessica. He had closed it off, if he was honest, because he was scared to death of losing again. He wasn’t sure he could take it.

Then he’d met Jocelyn Carter.

He ran his hand gently over her hair as he remembered the day they’d met, so many months ago. To say he hadn’t been at his best was an understatement of epic proportions. But she still saw him. Saw through the scruff, the filth, the smell of alcohol, and saw a person in pain. She had been gentle but firm with him. She knew nothing about him in those moments, but he could see the kindness in her eyes. If he were a romantic man, he would say that was the moment he’d fallen in love with her.

John ran his fingertips along the length of her arm, causing her to shiver under his touch and slowly open her eyes. He watched her eyes widen slightly and then the smile he’d been hoping for graced her face.

“Good morning.” He leaned down and kissed her softly. He felt her hand tighten on his side. “Thank you.”

She tilted her head at him and ran her hand up over his side and pulled him closer. “I’m not sure what you’re thanking me for, but you’re welcome.” She slid her lips across his shoulder and looked up.

“For staying.”

She blushed slightly and pressed her forehead against his chest. He found it adorable that even after last night, she could still be embarrassed.

“I’m not sure I could have left, even if I wanted to, which I didn’t. You wore me out.”

He let out a laugh at that. “I wore you out? I think you have that wrong, but thank you for the ego boost.” He pulled her body over on top of his. “Seriously, Jos, thank you. I loved waking up and seeing you next to me.”

She pressed her lips gently to his, softly, slowly. “It was my pleasure. Now, I hate to say it, but I have to get up and find a bathroom.”

Before she could slide off of him, he gripped her ass and kissed just under her ear, a spot he found out last night, could render her nearly speechless and amazingly pliable.

“Jesus, John.” She sucked in a breath. “You can’t do that to me right now. I really do need a bathroom.” She wanted to laugh, but his tongue was doing amazing things to her.

He spread his hands out and ran them up her back. “OK, ok…but do not plan on leaving again for a while when you get back. I still have tricks up my sleeve I haven’t shown you. And I’ve rested up.”

She kissed his nose and then his lips. “You’re not wearing sleeves.”

He popped her on the butt. “Go.”

She laughed as she looked for something to put on. She grabbed one of John’s shirts from the pile on the floor and pulled it on. Buttoning it closed and putting her hands on her hips, she looked over at him, grinning. “You need a maid.”

He swallowed, hard. It was like he had blinders on and the only thing he could see was her. In his shirt. He’d seen her naked, for God’s sake. But this? This was a damn fantasy come to life. He lay back in the bed, hands behind his head, and couldn’t pull his eyes from her. “Jos?”

She cocked her hip and smirked at him. “Hmm?”

“The bathroom is down the hall, first door on your left. If you don’t leave right now, I’m going to drag your incredible ass back to this bed and bury myself so deeply in you, you won’t walk for a week.”

She walked slowly towards him, a predatory grin on her face. When she reached the bed, she leaned down and ran her lips over his, taking a quick nip of the bottom one. She pulled back, watching as his hands fisted the sheets. “Is that supposed to be some sort of threat, John? Because, really, you need to do better than that. The prospect of it, of having you in me, your body surrounding me, is not something that even remotely scares me. In fact, hearing you say it in that amazing voice, turns me the hell on.”

She darted out of the way, laughing, as he lunged for her. She wagged at finger at him. “But, baby, you’re gonna have to tie a knot in it for a minute or two.”

When he fell back on the bed with a groan, she blew him a kiss.

“I’m in love with an evil, evil woman.”

He heard her catch her breath at that. When he looked up at her, she was looking at him, tears threatening, and her hand over her heart. He looked back at her, confused. “Jos?”

She waved her hand in the air, dismissively. “No. I’m sorry. Hearing it…knowing it’s true…”

He was still confused. He’d told her he loved her, hadn’t he? He ran through their conversation from last night. It hit him…he’d said something close to it, but he’d never looked her in the eyes and told her. It wasn’t the same and he knew it. He’d needed the words last night and now, in the light of the morning, he knew for certain she needed them too.

“Jos, come here.” He held his hand out for her.

She shook her head, chuckling, trying to make light of her need, the need she knew he saw. “John…I really do have to use the bathroom.”

“A minute. Just give me a minute.”

She took his hand and he pulled her down to sit on the bed with him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her shoulder, took a deep breath.

He pulled away slightly and turned her head towards him with the tips of his fingers, placing a soft kiss on her lips. “I’m not the best with words, but I know how badly I needed them last night. I’m sorry for not realizing you did too. It was stupid and selfish of me and I’m sorry.”

She opened her mouth to argue, but he stopped her with a look. He shifted so he could face her head-on. He took her face gently in his hands and kissed her, teasing her with his tongue for just a moment. When he looked back at her, her eyes were as wide as he imagined his were.

“I love you. I am in love with you. The only way you’re going to get rid of me is by telling me you don’t want me around and meaning it. You’re stuck with me. You’ll get sick of me worrying about you. I’ll drive you crazy worrying about you, but I’ll never try to change you. I fell in love with Jos Carter, the badass, big-hearted, stubborn as hell, cop. Part of me wonders what the hell we’re thinking, considering our lives…but I don’t care: I love you.”

The tears that spilled from her eyes with his words made him smile. As he wiped them away with his thumbs, he knew he’d said just the right things, that now they were even.

She wanted to say something, he could see it, but it wasn’t necessary, not now. He pushed her up out of the bed. “Now…go do what you have to do and get your ass back here; we still have a few hours until we have to go to work and I plan on making every minute count.”

She kissed him hard then, pushing him back on the bed. “Hope you have some reserves left, buster, because it’s not just gonna be me who will have trouble walking when I’m done with you.”

At that, she turned and walked out into the hall.

Reese lay back against the pillow and grinned. We’ll see.

It was on.